Among Stars; Chapter 1. Reaching For Your Heart

Among Stars

Chapter 1.

Reaching For Your Heart

Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship USS Voyager entered cargo bay two with less than her usual stride. Her steps were not anywhere near hesitant but anyone who knew her could determine that her pace was somewhat slower than usual.

The cargo bay area was dimly lit by the fluorescent green lights originating from the large equipment of technology at the wall on the right. They were Borg alcoves, used by the tall, blonde ex-Borg the captain severed from the Hive three years ago. Janeway frowned when she noticed that the crewmember she was looking for was not present in any of them.

“Seven?” she called out loud with her distinct, throaty voice, easily distinguished by any of the Voyager crew. They had heard it enough times over the comm link, on the bridge and in the mess hall to know it anywhere.

Still, nobody answered her now. She checked with the computer again.

“Computer, locate Seven of Nine.”

“Seven of Nine is in cargo bay two.”

Janeway’s brow furrowed even more and a twinge of concern made its presence known deep inside her chest. She was annoyed with Seven but this was alarming indeed.

She reached for her tricorder when a muffled sound was heard from behind some stored metal trunks in the back of the room. Janeway couldn’t make out what could have made such a sound. Then she heard it again, this time even more subdued.

“Seven? Is that you?” she asked loud and clear as she carefully inched her way over. She turned the corner of the nearest trunk, squinting into the poorly lit area of the cargo bay.

The sight that met her threw her off balance enough for her to gasp audibly.

Seven of Nine, the former Borg drone, was sitting, her back against the cold bulkhead and her arms cradled hard around her drawn up knees. She was huddled over and she was crying.

Soft sobs shook the young woman and Janeway was appalled, terrified of what could possibly have brought this on. As far as she knew, Seven had never really cried. On occasion she had seen Seven’s eyes glaze over, seen her face distort with pain and fury, but these heartbreaking sobs where new, at least to the captain.

She reacted spontaneously, threw herself on the floor next to the younger woman reaching out and putting a hand over Seven’s clenched hands.

“Seven”, she said softly. “What is wrong?”

The woman was startled but didn’t flinch as much as anyone less composed would have. She lifted her head and stared at her captain.

“Captain”, she said a bit hoarsely. “I did not hear you come in.”

“No, I guess you didn’t”, Janeway said evenly. “I am sorry if I startled you but I couldn’t very well leave you alone when something obviously is wrong.”

Seven, trying so apparently to become one with the wall, shook her head, breathing raggedly from the tears still trickling down her alabaster cheeks.

“I do not require your assistance, captain”, she stated weakly.

Janeway smiled ruefully at the familiar remark.

“Perhaps not. But could you use a little comfort from a friend?” she offered gently.

Seven frowned.

“Our last … discussion does not suggest that you are in any frame of mind to be my friend.”

This made Janeway wince, she could see where that came from.

“I am aware that we had another one of our disagreements, I’ll even admit that it was more fierce than most we have had. But aside from that, I hope you know that I am your friend.”

“I am sorry, captain. I did not mean to imply that I am ungrateful for everything you have done for me over the years. I however do not anticipate that anything you can say can possibly change my emotional state at this moment.”

Seven hugged her knees even closer to her chest. She had stopped crying and Janeway found herself raising her hand and wiping away the moisture from the Borg’s cheeks before thinking about it. Seven looked apprehensive but allowed the soft touch.

“You don’t have to say anything”, Janeway promised in a low voice. “I won’t drag any confidences out of you, that would not be helpful at all, you know. I just want you to know that if you do want to share your feelings with me, I would welcome it.”

Seven’s eyes grew bigger in surprise.

“Do you really mean that, captain?” she asked evenly.

“Of course I do”, Janeway answered, not sure why Seven regarded her so intently. “I know how frustrated and awkward you can feel when your emotions engulf you. You have done so well in adapting to your humanity, I never cease to be amazed by you. Your intelligence and your resilience for coping with a situation that is practically unheard of. It is no wonder that it can become a little too much for you once in a while. I do understand that.”

Seven’s face showed no emotions right now. She regarded Janeway with distance as if she was trying to pinpoint what to make of her words.

“Captain, do I understand you correctly, that you would welcome any emotion I felt I should share with you?” she asked.

Janeway started to answer and rapidly closed her mouth again. She wasn’t sure they were talking about the same thing here. What had she been saying to Seven exactly, to make the younger woman appear so careful?

“I do”, she finally allowed. “I don’t think there is anything we couldn’t talk about.”

Seven considered this.

“Then, I wish to talk to you. But not here. I find this cargo bay less than adequate when it comes to privacy. Generally the crewmembers enter without stating their intentions and then awaiting my reply.”

Janeway paled a little, hearing this. She was undoubtedly one of the worst offenders when it came to entering cargo bay two unannounced. She had done it more times than she could remember and also watched Seven regenerate. Like a thief in the night had she stalked into the cargo bay, walked up to Seven’s alcove and stood there motionless, in awe of that wonderful being.

Janeway straightened her back and rose from the floor. She extended a hand to Seven and pulled her up too.

“We can go to my quarters if you like”, she said.

Seven nodded and with swift hands the tall she fixed her hair back into its usual immaculate bun. Janeway regarded the tall blonde with soft eyes and without thinking she reached up with a gentle hand and wiped away the traces of tears still on Seven’s cheeks.

This startled the younger woman, she flinched a little and then nodded.

“Am I presentable, Captain?”

“Very presentable, Seven.”

They walked in silence to the turbo lift and onto deck three. Inside Janeway’s quarters, softly lit by only a quarter of illumination, there was an awkward silence. Seven stood just inside the door, hands clasped firmly behind her back.

“Can I get you something to drink, Seven or are you hungry?” Janeway asked rubbing her hands on her trousers.

“I don’t require any nutrition at this moment, either liquid nor solid, Captain”, Seven answered predictably.

Janeway smiled and shook her head.

“A simple ‘no, thank you’ would be sufficient, Seven.”

Seven nodded.

“I think that is what I said.”

Refusing an irresistible urge to roll her eyes, Janeway replicated her a mug of black coffee and gestured towards her couch beneath the large view ports.

“I will however insist that we sit down”, she said dryly. “You give me more kinks in my neck than anyone else on this ship by your insistence to keep standing up.”

“I will comply”, Seven replied in what had to be mild sarcasm, Janeway decided.

They sat down next to each other, just enough space between for their knees not to touch. Seven had her hands folded neatly on her lap as usual, Janeway eagerly clutching to her coffee mug.

“Now tell me what ever you feel comfortable to share with me”, the captain said, carefully sipping her coffee and letting her eyes gaze into Seven’s, noting again the red rims around them and also the hint of trembling lips that the younger woman tried to stifle.

“You and I have had our differences”, Seven started in a low voice. “We have engaged in numerous philosophical discussions and your patience with me in my attempts to ‘embrace my humanity’, has been extraordinary. I have come to regard you as my mentor, my … friend as well as my captain. It is with regret I must inform you that new variables have entered into … this … and I can no longer be your … protégé. I will sorely miss our interactions. The circumstances pain me very much.”

New tears formed in the Borg’s eyes and silently started to run along her cheeks.

Janeway was baffled beyond expression. Seven’s explanation had done nothing but confuse her more. What new circumstances? What ‘new variables’? Had anyone hurt her?

She put down her coffee mug on the table in front of the couch. Leaning further into Seven’s personal space she tried to sound calm.

“Seven, you must explain further. I don’t understand what you mean with ‘new variables’. What variables could possibly stop us from being friends? I will always be your friend as well as your captain, no matter what our potential differences has been or will become.”

This did not seem to reassure the younger woman in the slightest. She briefly closed her eyes, which made the tears run faster, dripping off her jaw onto her plum bodysuit. There they formed little glittering beads as the material did not absorb the fluid.

“Captain, our last difference of opinion was time consuming and also forced you to have to deal with an extended amount of aggression on my part. I do not wish to debate again who was in the right … but I do regret that I was the reason for all of it. I feel I can not allow this to happen again, that is why I can not … interact with you on a private level anymore. It is enough strain on you to have the burden of command.”

Janeway was appalled. Where did this come from? She considered Seven’s word and suddenly had an eerie feeling that she recognised some of it. It had a resemblance of …

“Seven, are you trying to protect me?”

Seven lowered her eyes and pressed her back further into the couch.

“It seems so to me”, Janeway insisted softly. “Considering our last discussion - I’ll admit you were adamant in your conviction that you were right. I’ll also admit that you were angry. But in no way did I see it as a waste of my time or yours for that matter. And is it so terrible if we disagree? We are human, Seven. We laugh, cry, fight, become friends, love …”

Her voice trailed off at the last word. Seven had flinched visibly and Janeway felt ripples of something foreboding down her spine.

She took one of Seven’s hands between hers.

“You are trying to protect me from something. I don’t think that is all, though. We have had our number of fights during these three years, I’ll grant you that this last one was one of the more fiery ones, but I have not once felt that they were for nothing.”

The Borg raised her head and her blue eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

“But that was before …”

Her voice cracked and with a heartbreaking sob she threw herself forward and buried her face in the captain’s lap.

Janeway felt her own tears sting behind her eyelids when she bent over and cradled the crying young woman in her arms.

“There, there …”, she whispered soothingly, not understanding what was tormenting her usually so cool and crisp astrometric’s officer. There was more to this than Seven had told her but all she could do was to patiently wait for the Borg to decide to tell her and from the sound of her crying it would take a while.

“Computer, put a privacy lock on my comm badge and the door to these quarters unless there is an emergency, code Janeway Alpha Gamma three four six.”

“Acknowledged.”

Janeway pulled Seven closer, rocking the younger woman gently against her shoulder. Seven in return clung to her as if her life depended on it.

I wonder what brought all this on, Janeway thought. She has seemed herself up until now. She was fighting me with her usual flare just yesterday. She then visited Sandrine’s just because she promised Naomi Wildman to be there when she … wait a minute … Sandrine’s. Could it be that someone said something to her or that something happened that made her …

The captain was so lost in thought and intent on holding her distraught crewmember that she didn’t notice the decrease in sobs and tears until Seven pulled back a little.

“There now”, Janeway said and reached for a tissue on the table next to the couch. She gently wiped Seven’s eyes, cheeks and nose. “Feel better now?”

“No.”

The older woman chuckled softly. “Dumb question, sorry. At least you got that off your chest, that’s something.”

“I do not particularly appreciate this way of displaying emotions”, Seven stated dismally.

“No, I don’t suppose you do”, Janeway said. She realised that she ought to let the Borg go but was reluctant to let the young woman out of her arms just yet. Seven had been so engrossed in her pain, so vulnerable. Janeway winced at the thought of the younger woman having to go through that all alone like she had in cargo bay two before she herself had found her there.

“Can you tell me what this is really all about, Seven?” she asked gently, holding her closer.

The Borg, draped over the captain’s lap and tucked in under her chin, became stiff and buried her face at Janeway’s neck.

“Did something happen at Sandrine’s?” Janeway asked.

Seven flinched.

“How did you know?” she exclaimed, surprised.

“Lucky guess, I suppose.”

Seven hesitated and barely perceivable shiver gave her away.

“Tell me, Seven. I will listen with an open mind, I promise.”

“I went to Sandrine’s yesterday”, Seven started quietly in her most detached tone of voice. “I had made a promise to Naomi Wildman that I would attend for an hour since her mother had promised her to stay up late and also to try out a new recreational … a new game called pool. I spent one hour and ten minutes with Naomi and Samantha Wildman and Neelix. I decided that was sufficient and was about to leave for cargo bay two when I accidentally overheard Commander Chakotay and the Doctor talking. It was not my intention to ‘eavesdrop’ but my enhanced …”

She hesitated and tried to pull back.

“I know, Seven. Go on”, Janeway urged gently and held her closer.

“I heard the commander talk about you and how worried he had been since our encounter with the Equinox. He confessed to the Doctor that ever since then he has been afraid that you would ‘make yourself ill’ by not being able to share the burden of command. The Doctor agreed that it would be up to the senior staff to lighten your burden as much as possible. For some reason this comment made the commander relocate some of the blood in his face capillaries. He agreed, however, that any measures to help you with the command issues and questions would have to be a priority, especially in times of trouble.”

Janeway was furious, her teeth clenched and her eyes stormy grey to prove it. What had this ship come to when her first officer and her chief medical officer were discussing her mental health in a holographic bar? She would have a really interesting conversation with the Commander tomorrow, that was for sure. He would never do the same mistake again, how many good intentions he would claim.

She focused back on Seven who apparently couldn’t stop trembling.

“And you applied that to our relationship?” she asked, careful not to reveal any of her rage.

“I had to, Captain. The commander is right. The Equinox incident took a toll on you. You are a formidable and resourceful captain, but I have not helped keep your burden lighter. Instead I have acted with much selfishness and …”

“You have nothing of the kind”, Janeway interrupted forcefully, startling the younger woman.

“Your opinions have always mattered to me. You look at things through new and fresh angles and challenge me. I would not have it any other way – certainly not through some misguided reason to ‘lighten my burden’.”

Seven raised her head and pulled back a little.

“You do not agree with the Commander?”

“Usually I agree with him, but not in this. It is true that it is thanks to him in many ways that I found my path again after Equinox, but in this … he is very wrong. And I am sure he didn’t mean it the way you obviously think. He knows how much I … care about you. I have always tried to make you a priority and I always will.”

Seven frowned and tilted her head, considered Janeway’s choice of words.

“You would still welcome what I feel?”

“Uh … yes. I will always be here for you. All you have to do is ask.”

“Can I ask you anything?”

Janeway nodded. “Yes, of course.”

“May I kiss you, Captain?”

Janeway froze for several seconds, totally shocked by the question.

“Seven …”

She had said Seven could ask her anything, but this? This was unexpected, surprising … exhilarating …

“Uh … why would you want to, Seven?”

“Because I love you.” Seven’s voice had stopped trembling, it was clear as a spring brook.

There it was. Out in the open. Seven’s heart on her sleeve. This was who this young woman was; she didn’t hide anything in the end, she was honest, childlike, immediate and responsive. Janeway went hot and cold almost simultaneously.

“I know you do not reciprocate, Captain, and since you do not – no doubt you would feel bad for me and that would add to your already large amount of guilt. You carry that guilt constantly. This would not be easing your burden of command.” The shiver was back in the blonde’s voice, her pain evident, but she didn’t lower her gaze.

Janeway was at a loss for words. Seven loved her. Before she realised it she was holding the Borg closer to her chest, as if to shield the young woman from her captain’s gaze.

“How long have you felt this way?” she asked Seven.

“I am not aware there is a time when I did not love you. When I am not with you I always wish I was. When I anger you I hurt myself. When I make you proud … it elevates me.”

Janeway’s throat choked up. This was far more than she deserved.

“You did not answer my question, Captain. Would it be acceptable if I kissed you?”

She was her usual stubborn self, Janeway thought dryly in the midst of her astonishment.

“If that is what you want, why not?” she mumbled. Surely a kiss would prove to Seven that it was only a matter of ‘having a crush on the teacher’ kind of thing?

Seven took her time. She braced herself on her arms and placed herself higher on the couch. She put her left, mesh covered hand behind Janeway’s head. Her lips brushed the older woman’s mouth once, twice and then pressed against it with determination.

Nothing could have prepared Kathryn Janeway for the feelings those soft, yielding, full lips would cause her. Seven tasted like honey, sweet and intoxicating. She parted Janeway’s lips like she went around and kissed Starfleet captains all the time. Her tongue invited Janeway’s and they familiarised themselves with each other’s mouth intimately.

Janeway moaned helplessly into Seven who understood perfectly and impossibly deepened the kisses even more. Opening her mouth even more, all Janeway could do was kiss her back, trembling, moaning higher, lost in her desire that made shudders go through her body over and over.

Their hands seemed to have a life of their own, caressing the other woman with long lingering strokes. Dizzy and so filled with longing she could hardly breath, Janeway couldn’t stop kissing and caressing her astrometric’s officer. The tall, lanky blonde lay sprawled all over her captain and all thoughts about what was appropriate and who was reciprocating feelings or not was all gone.

She is driving me crazy, Janeway thought. She is drinking my kisses like I am a well in a dessert and I can’t stop this. I have to, but how can I?

She had somehow liberated Seven’s hair which now hung freely down her shoulders with Janeway’s hands buried in it. It was like the smoothest, finest silk and it had a faint scent that was all Seven.

Gasping for air, Janeway pulled back and broke the kiss.

She looked down on the young woman in her arms. Seven was trembling and her half lidded blue eyes were soft and full of need.

“Seven … Annika …”, the captain whispered. “That - was amazing. I had no idea you felt .. that I would feel … that I ever could feel …”

She blushed and closed her eyes briefly.

“Am I to understand that the kiss met your approval?” Seven asked.

Janeway frowned.

“Are you being sarcastic, my dear?”

“No.”

“Oh.” She cleared her throat. “You know it would be a blatant lie if I said it didn’t.”

“Yes. I am sorry. The question was redundant.”

“It was.”

“I do not wish to leave.”

Janeway looked surprised.

“I didn’t say you should leave.”

“No. But you will soon. You will say that this was all a mistake and that you can not be romantically involved with a member of your crew and that I must leave.”

Janeway groaned and hugged Seven closer, brushing her temple with her lips.

“You know me so well, it’s scary.”

Seven sighed and basked in her captain’s arms.

“You are on occasion obvious, Captain.”

“Call me Kathryn when we are alone, please”, Janeway said. “And I will try not to take your last remark as an insult.”

“I did not intend to insult you. It is merely due to the fact that I always watch you that I can decipher your mood and sometimes your thoughts.”

Janeway always watched Seven and rarely knew what she was thinking or feeling.

“I will surprise you this time, Seven”, she whispered throatily, her heart pounding nervously. “I won’t send you away. I won’t let you go and thereby deprive you or myself the opportunity to explore these new feelings. I have been kissed before but I have never felt like this. I don’t know why I haven’t realised … Anyway. If you’ll just be patient with me, I will take a long hard look at how I feel and I won’t hide the result from either you nor myself.”

“That is acceptable”, Seven said, gratitude and surprise in her voice.

Janeway smiled.

“Now. Do you have any more kisses like the last one stashed somewhere?”

“Indeed.”

And Seven kissed her captain again. She held her close with a tenderness that Janeway had never felt before. The kiss sent fire through her veins and joy straight to her heart.

Imagine, Seven, Janeway thought. Who would have thought it had to be Seven? A former Borg, called a ‘cold fish’ by some of the crew, a young, beautiful woman that inspired wet dreams in some of the others.

Who would have guess that it would take this vibrant, wonderful woman to reach Kathryn Janeway?

*****

Continued in Among Stars 2 - "In the Ready Room"