Among Stars

Chapter 5.

If Only I Could Dream

It wasn’t exactly like dreaming. Her thoughts were much to clear, to organised, to be just a dream. She could picture Seven anytime she wanted to but she couldn’t touch her. She could hear voices around her, whispering in frantic, cropped sentences.

Like orders, she thought dreamily. Like orders being issued..

Seven, her love, her wonderful partner. She had the loveliest blue eyes, eyes that could regard her with such passion and tenderness. She could lose herself in to those eyes.

She was not in pain. Not really. Perhaps it was a dream after all. She tried to move but just thinking of moving did not accomplish it. She was cold, she realised. She was not dreaming and very cold. A feeling that something was dreadfully wrong hit her. She was not supposed to be here. She was supposed to be with … what was her name again? That tall, lanky blonde who could melt this seasoned middle age woman with just one look, one touch … What was her name again? Strange, she should at least know her name.

What was she doing in this place? She should know where this was but she had no idea and no recollection how she got here.

That person, the blonde one, she was special. But who was she again? And why was her image all she could picture in this dream? It was a dream, this cold existence? Wasn’t it?

*****

It took about four hours before they realised she was missing.

Seven of Nine, former Borg drone, now astrometric’s officer of the Federation Starship USS Voyager, had inquired the computer for her whereabouts three times since their dinner together in the mess hall. This new habit had become more and more frequent these last weeks. Whenever she missed Kathryn and needed to hold her but couldn’t, she would ask the computer where her beloved was. Each enquiry this evening the computer had promptly stated that Captain Kathryn Janeway was in her ready room.

Now she was ringing the ready room door chime and getting increasingly concerned as there was no reply.

The time was twenty-one hundred hours and she wanted to say goodnight to Janeway before she regenerated in the alcove now located in their bedroom. The captain would no doubt work for a couple of hours more.

Seven rang the door chime for the third time and now the beta crew on the bridge with Commander Chakotay at the conn noticed.

“Isn’t she answering, Seven?” he asked, a frown emerging on his brow.

“No, Commander.” She tapped her comm badge. “Seven to Captain Janeway. Please respond.” The captain did not respond. She repeated the hail and still there was no answer.

“I am overriding the door lock now,” Seven stated, not bothering to ask for permission. She tapped in the code and the doors opened. She quickly stepped inside, examining the empty room and then she headed for the small bathroom. It was also empty. Chakotay was just behind her and he had a worried look on his face, the reality dawning on him as well.

“She should be here,” Seven said, her voice a little louder than usual. “The computer has verified her location three times, my last inquiry was nine point two minutes ago.”

“She hasn’t left since she came back from dinner with you,” Chakotay said and tapped his comm badge. “Computer, state the location of Captain Janeway.”

“Captain Janeway is in the ready room, deck one.”

Chakotay frowned and tried again.

“Computer, open ship wide comm link. Captain Janeway, please report to the bridge.”

Nothing.

He hailed Tuvok and asked him to come to the bridge.

“On my way, Commander.”

Seven had scanned the room with her enhanced optical implant.

“There,” she said, picking something up from the floor just next to the captain’s desk. “The captain’s comm badge.”

“Disengage it.” Chakotay ran out on to the bridge. “Computer. Do a ship wide search for Captain Janeway’s bio signature.”

The seconds ticked by and everyone on the bridge seemed to hold their breath.

“Captain Kathryn Janeway is not onboard Voyager.”

“Check for any authorised as well as unauthorised use of transporters or shuttles.”

“Negative.”

“Has any beam out taken place in the last six hours?”

“Negative.”

Chakotay looked at the tall Borg next to him. She had a devastated look on her face and in her tightly clenched left hand she had done as ordered, disengaged Janeway’s comm badge by simply crushing it.

*****

They had searched everywhere. Scanned every Jeffrey’s tube, every crawl space beneath them. The had taken two shuttles out and inspected the hull, twice. A door to door search had examined all the crew quarters, every storage room, every cargo area.

Seven had not regenerated and was now on her fifty-ninth hour without rest. The Doctor had forced her to eat something ten hours ago but any further attempts to distract her from searching for Janeway had been met with a ardent determination too keep working, to keep going for as long as it took.

The senior staff sat gathered around the conference table and the captain’s empty chair was like an accusation in itself. The weary faces, all pale in the harsh light, showed little emotions.

“Let’s see what we have so far,” Chakotay said, pinching the base of his nose. “Harry?”

“Nothing on internal sensors. No transports that are not accounted for.”

“Seven?”

The tall blonde had been staring down at her hands folded neatly on her lap, now she raised her head and B’Elanna Torres couldn’t help but inhale sharply at the sight of the tormented young woman’s haunted expression. Her blue eyes were dull and framed with dark circles. Her lips were pale and for a moment she seemed at a loss for words, then she managed to get herself together.

“Nothing on our external sensors. No ships or nearby planets for at least ten light years. I have not found anything in my readings that can explain where the cap … what has happened to Kathryn.”

The senior staff had begun to come to terms with the fact that the former drone now lived with their captain as her partner and lover. They had been caught off guard when Janeway’s feelings were made very public during a trying time when they had been under constant alien attack and which had included Seven being severely wounded during an away mission.

Up to that point only Chakotay had known about their budding love for each other.

They had however never heard Seven call the captain by her first name until now.

B’Elanna felt a twinge in her heart when she noticed tears forming in Seven’s eyes. The young woman blinked fiercely to keep them from overflowing but to no avail. The room went very quiet when two large, crystal clear tears ran down her colourless cheeks.

Chakotay looked at the Borg with sympathy.

“Tom? Tuvok? Anything to report from the teams examining the hull?”

Tom shook his head.

“No, nothing. I have personally searched every square centimetre and if she had been thrown …” He stopped when B’Elanna kicked his leg under the table. Seven had jerked her head back, staring at him in disbelief.

“What are you saying?” she asked in a dangerously low voice. “Are you considering that Kathryn might have been thrown out an airlock?”

“No, no,” he tried to amend. “Nobody really believes that. It would have shown up on sensors.”

“It is important that we examine every aspect, even those that might seem less plausible,” Tuvok stated. “I suggest my officers and I continue to interview every member of this crew. I have a theory and even if I don’t have any evidence to back my it, the fact is that it is entirely possible that the captain still is onboard Voyager.”

Chakotay flinched.

“What are you saying, exactly?”

“I suspect that Captain Janeway is still onboard, but if I am correct, this also means she might not longer be alive. If somebody has abducted her and hid her body in a way that sensors can’t detect, the reason could very well be that she is simply showing no life signs.”

Seven rose from her chair, slamming her fists on the table with such force, her left hand left a big dent in the duranium.

“No! You are wrong. Kathryn is alive. I would know if she was dead. I would … feel it.”

She reached for Tuvok’s neck, wanting to force him to take the painful words back, when B’Elanna surprised everybody, including herself, by throwing herself between them, grabbing Seven by her shoulders.

“Seven! Listen, Tuvok is just voicing his concerns. We don’t know what happened yet.” She had to hold on with all her Klingon strength to hold back the distressed woman. “Seven, calm down. We are not helping the captain by losing it. Seven!”

Chakotay had quickly rounded the table and was now standing behind the Borg, his hands on her arms.

“Seven, Kathryn needs you to focus,” he said gently. “She needs your strength and your brilliance to help us find her, to save her from who ever took her, be it an anomaly or some cloaked alien ship.”

Seven fought them for a couple of seconds longer and then slumped back against Chakotay, moaning almost inaudibly. The strongly built man lowered her gently to her seat without a word. B’Elanna also sat down, now on the chair next to Seven.

“We need to work on both angles here,” Chakotay continued. “Tuvok, you and Neelix work together, question every crewmember. You know better than I what to ask them. Harry and B’Elanna, you go over sensor logs with a fine tooth comb, we can’t afford to miss anything. Seven, you do the same with external sensors. Keep sweeping for planets, for ships, for anything remotely anomalous. Doctor, go over crew files, anything out of the ordinary I want to know about it, patient’s confidentiality be damned.”

As his voice did not allow for any protests, everybody nodded grimly and the meeting was adjourned.

Chakotay remained sitting in his chair for a minute. He was grateful that Tuvok had not voiced all his concerns. Somebody could have beamed Kathryn into space, for instance. He hoped Seven didn’t come up with that theory herself. It would destroy her.

*****

It couldn’t possibly get any colder now. She wanted to shiver and clutter her teeth but since it must be a dream, she couldn’t even do that. The voices were gone, for how long she didn’t know, time was way off here in this strange twilight zone.

Seven, she thought. I need Seven.

There was that strange name again. It was important and it even seemed vital to her existence. But who was this Seven? The name brought a faded image of long blonde hair and the bluest eyes. It also sent a beam of warmth through her and for a second or two she wasn’t so cold.

Was it really cold or was she perhaps just very afraid? Nonsense, she was seldom afraid. She had not been afraid until she met … there was that numeric name again. Seven … Was she afraid of Seven? No, not of her … for her. This was important, she had to hang on to this thought. She needed to tell … but she was so tired. So cold and so tired.

She wanted to just sleep without this erratic dream. But even though she was frozen and confused, the name seemed to pierce through everything. Seven. If only she could wake up and say it out loud. Yell it, scream it, whimper it. Seven …

*****

“Warning. Regeneration cycle incomplete.”

Seven opened her eyes and stepped off the dais of her regeneration alcove. She glanced around the room as if wondering what had prematurely ended her regeneration cycle.

She sighed. Nothing, as usual. She could only regenerate shorter periods of time these days. One or two hours every third day at the most. She didn’t dream during regeneration but her mind was not at ease and she did not benefit from the process as she normally did.

She looked at the bed, the pang of sorrow hitting her as she did. It was as empty as it had been for twenty-four days. More than three weeks had passed since Kathryn had so inexplicably disappeared from her ready room. They had searched the entire ship, scanned it over and over as well as searched the surrounding space.

They had not come up with anything, not a trace of their captain.

Yesterday, Chakotay had taken the heart wrenching decision to resume their course for the Alpha quadrant. Everyone had been unhappy at the thought but there had been no objections. The chance of finding out what happened to Captain Janeway were infinitesimal.

Seven went into the bathroom and used the sonic shower. She much preferred the hydro shower but couldn’t bear to use it without Kathryn being there, sharing it with her as had become their custom, those precious weeks they had shared quarters.

She had introduced Seven to the joy and sensuality of showering together and the younger woman had happily taken it as her personal responsibility to keep her captain clean in a very personal way.

Using abundant amounts of soap and shampoo, she had amused Janeway by carefully lathering every part of the older woman’s body and that of course had on several occasions ended up in the sweetest lovemaking under the hot stream of water.

The first time Kathryn had taken her Borg against the cold wall tiles, Seven had nearly passed out from sheer pleasure. Kathryn had fallen to her knees and used her lips, tongue and fingers in the most delicious way, not relenting as Seven had come again and again under her skilled ministrations. The young woman had then evened the score by pouncing on her captain’s breasts, sucking in her sensitive nipples in her mouth, devouring her with all her love. Kathryn had screamed when three of Seven’s long fingers had entered her, fiercely thrusting and rubbing, her thumb finding her bundle of nerves. The way she had looked when she came over and over in Seven’s arms, with the water streaming over them, caressing them both, was an image the Borg carried with her in her heart.

Kathryn’s passion, the love she had expressed for her Annika every day, was simply unique.

Seven cleared her throat at the memory and quickly got out of the shower. She pulled on her recycled bio suit and put her hair up in its usual austere bun without as much as one look in the mirror.

Unaware of her frighteningly fragile beauty, she left her quarters to start her duty shift in the astrometric’s lab. She might have lost all reasons for doing anything for herself, but she had to keep working. Knowing Janeway’s deepest desire, she had to be of assistance in getting Kathryn’s crew home one day. She had to.

*****

Nobody knew who started the rumours. The nature of rumours being what they are, they sort of just appear. One day they are just there, and everybody just all of a sudden knows what nobody knew the day before.

Jenny Delaney first picked up on the rumours when she overheard two crewmen from the lower decks mumbling behind her in the turbo lift. Then she heard several crewmembers of different ranks talk about it in the mess hall, in engineering and even a not so quiet conversation in a Jeffrey’s tub junction turned out to deal with the same topic.

She was appalled and talked to her sister, careful not to be overheard. Megan became furious and they both decided that these evil rumours needed to be brought to Commander Chakotay’s attention.

Neither of them looked forward to that. Eventually Seven would have to be told and none of the girls would volunteer to do that. They decided to go to the commander, both to them. They needed the strength in numbers.

Chakotay looked across his desk at the twins. The usually so vivacious girls were subdued and he thought he saw Megan’s hands tremble before she clasped them hard in front of her.

“Yes? What can I do for you?” he asked encouragingly.

They exchanged glances and then Megan nodded to Jenny. “You were the one who heard it first.”

Jenny swallowed hard.

“Commander, there is a matter you need to look into right away. Megan and I have heard disturbing rumours brewing in the lower decks as well as in the mess hall and if this gets to Seven of Nine … I mean, she is bound to hear them sooner or later … It is a horrendous rumour and it is preposterous that anyone could ever believe such a thing, but … “ She stopped, short of breath and looked like she was bracing herself.

Chakotay frowned. The women seemed genuinely distraught and a chill down his spine told him that he would have a delicate problem at hand within seconds.

“Go on,” he said solemnly.

“There is talk that Seven has done something to the captain and then covered it up. They say that she might have assimilated the captain … or something like that. There are rumours that she took advantage of the captain and used sex as coercion. That she … Oh Commander, I can’t believe that anyone aboard Voyager would start such evil rumours! It is spreading like wildfire and it is just a matter of time …”

“… before it reaches Seven,” Chakotay concluded, rubbing his face. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I think you both understand that this will not only be extremely painful to Seven but also a potential security risk.”

They nodded and he thanked them again before dismissing them.

He hailed Seven, asking her to come to his office. Who knows what she would do if she was confronted by these rumours, he thought exasperatedly. He had known about the toll the captain’s disappearance had taken on the crew, but to this extent? No way he could have predicted such a despicable thing for anyone to come up with.

Voyager was a closely knitted family, they were all in the same exposed position, or so he had thought.

*****

Seven stepped into his office and he flinched at her haggard and fatigued expression although her posture was as well composed and ramrod as ever, hands clasped behind her back.

“Commander.”

He rubbed his forehead.

“Seven, take a seat.”

She was about to object, he could tell, but obviously changed her mind and sat down in his visitor’s chair. He had to smile inwardly at her, sitting on the edge of the chair, looking very ill at ease. ‘The Borg do not sit.’

“I have some disturbing news and I need you to promise me to remain calm and not rush into action without thinking or talking it through with me first.”

She looked vaguely surprised but nodded.

“There are someone spreading rumours about you,” Chakotay said, carefully assessing what reaction that piece of information had on her. Seven merely cocked her head a little more to the side.

“I am aware that a large percent of the crew are not in favour of my presence on Voyager. However I was not aware that anything out of the ordinary was being assumed.”

“It is preposterous, Seven, but there are rumours that you are to blame for the captain’s disappearance.”

At first there was no reaction. She looked at him with those stunning blue eyes, nailing him to his chair and initially he thought she hadn’t understood the implication of what he said. Then all colour was drained from her face.

“I … they say that I … There are crewmembers that think I could …”

He had never seen the Borg at a loss for words and his heart bled for her as she opened and closed her mouth several times before surrendering, realising that her vocal cords had betrayed her.

“I know this is not true and so will everyone that knows you and the love you and Kathryn shared. You would not be able to harm her even if every crewmember of Voyager life’s depended on it.”

Seven looked dizzy and grabbed for the edge of his desk to steady herself.

“I was aware that some of the crew disliked me, I have not many friends onboard. But this … Commander, I had never thought …”

His desk was going to be dented forever he realised when her left hand clenched. He got up and walked around it. Standing next to her he put a hand on her shoulder.

“I will get to the bottom of this. This is not the behaviour I would expect of this crew and frankly I am getting more and more suspicious regarding these rumours. I am also aware that some do not approve of you being of the Borg, but this is too convenient, too engineered. Will you trust me to take care of it? Can I trust you to not act prematurely on this?”

Seven rose and looked at him. The desolation in her eyes was not an expression he would want to see in anyone’s eyes, but especially not in this proud, beautiful blonde, striving for perfection and having had the woman she adored ripped from her life just when they had found each other. It was simply heartbreaking to watch.

Before he realised what he was about to do, he pulled he into a comforting embrace.

Seven stiffened but appeared to realise that the unusual gesture from her commanding officer was meant as a friendly way to console her. She remained still, even dropped her forehead to his shoulder for a brief moment. Then she took a step back, clasping her hands behind her back.

“I will comply.”

*****

The conference room brewed with anger and resentment and it took all of Chakotay’s diplomatic skills to keep B’Elanna from leaving the room to round up the offending crewmembers on the spot.

Neelix had confirmed hearing the rumours although he had not heard the worst of them up to this point. He looked over at Seven, sitting like a marble statue on her chair at the far end of the table.

“I am sorry Seven,” he said remorsefully. “I had no idea that it was getting so out of hand.”

“You need not apologise, Mr Neelix,” she stated coolly. “You are not at fault here.”

He nodded but looked pained just the same.

Chakotay addressed them all in a deadly serious tone of voice.

“It is paramount that we take a very clear stand regarding these rumours. We have a potentially dangerous situation here, both regarding Seven’s safety and also the safety of the crewmembers who started this.”

“What do you mean?” B’Elanna blurted out angrily. “Why would the bastards who started this be in danger … other than if I get my hands on them.”

Chakotay glared at her.

“Precisely that. Regardless what Seven herself thinks, she has quite a lot of friends and supporters in this crew, people who are grateful for all she have done for us over the years, and if there is an open confrontation about these rumours, it might get ugly. And then there is the risk of someone confronting Seven directly, however stupid such a course of action might be, and we all know that you would never let anyone talk about the captain in a demeaning way, am I not right, Seven?”

Seven nodded.

B’Elanna huffed and dragged an unsteady hand through her dark curls.

“What then?”

“We will provide a united front. We will show our support for Seven. Then we’ll investigate and track down the source of the rumours. This ends now.” He emphasised his powerful words by leaning across the table, looking at each of his senior staff. “Harry, you and B’Elanna will conduct a new analysis of the sensors, of the computer logs and of the transporter logs. I want to know that we have not missed anything, I need answers to this, people. Neelix, you use your unique position in the mess hall to calm down the rumours as well as looking for clues to their origin. Tuvok, you and your staff follow whatever lead you might find towards the source. Doctor, you hear a lot in sick bay, pay attention. Tom, we are all aware that you know a lot before any of us do, this is a time to use that ability.”

Chakotay’s eyes softened.

“Seven, you keep doing what you do best, in astrometric’s. If anyone confronts you, you report to me, you do not engage in heated conversation that might get out of hand. You come to me.” He held her gaze until she nodded.

“Yes, sir.”

“Are we all clear on this? Dismissed.”

Everybody left the room except Seven who stood waiting for Chakotay at the door.

“Commander? I am … grateful.”

He smiled.

“You are a member of this crew, Seven. You are going through a hard time and you don’t deserve this. The captain would not rest a second before such a thing was settled, if she was here.”

Seven flinched.

“No, Commander, she would not.”

*****

Harry stared down at the sensor logs in disbelief. He had gone over them countless times before and now he was sure he was just seeing things that weren’t there.

“B’Elanna, look. I need you to tell me that I’m not hallucinating.”

B’Elanna went over to his console and read over his shoulder.

“Hey, what’s this? Have you been altering anything?”

“No. This wasn’t here last time we checked these logs.”

They looked at each other. Finally something.

Harry slapped his comm badge.

“Kim to Chakotay. We need to see you in engineering.”

“On my way.”

Two minutes later Chakotay found B’Elanna and Harry eagerly punching commands in to a workstation together.

“Report.”

“Someone has been covering up sensor logs, transporter logs and I think, a theft from storage one.” B’Elanna said impatiently. “I haven’t been able to see exactly what was stolen or by whom, but I am betting my helm boy that this has to do with the captain’s disappearance as well as the rumours. If we just could find the code that masked this … wait, no, this can’t be right?”

Harry stared at the information flickering on the screen.

“This is a set up, it has to be.”

“What is it?” Chakotay asked, concerned. He didn’t like the way the other two had paled and kept reading the decrypted files.

“The sensor logs are all protected by one of Seven’s Borg encryption codes.”

Chakotay slapped his comm badge.

“Seven of Nine, report to engineering.”

“On my way, Commander.”

*****

It had been such a devious plan, Machiavellian to the core.

Once Seven had decoded the logs and tapped into several more secret files it all became devastatingly clear. An unknown number of crewmembers in the lower decks were responsible for the captain’s disappearance as well as the hostile rumours against Seven of Nine.

They still had no names but Tuvok and his security officers were on it and Chakotay had no doubt they were going to be successful, it was just a matter of time.

It made no sense, however. Why harm the captain? She was genuinely respected and even loved, by all her crew. What had they done with her? How had they been able to cover up as well as they had?

The conference room was quiet, they were waiting for Harry and B’Elanna.

Seven couldn’t be made to sit down whatever they said. She was standing with her back against them, staring at the stars whirling by at warp six.

“We know most of it,” Harry blurted out when he and B’Elanna rushed in. “We have to configure internal sensors and do a deck to deck sweep and also use calibrated tricorders to complement them. They have tampered with different shields and masked them using Borg encryption codes. That must have thrown our sensors for a loop more than once.”

Chakotay was already on his feet.

“There is a chance?”

“We don’t know, but we are going to find out.” B’Elanna said. “We know they got hold of a malfunctioning stasis chamber from storage room one and also tracked their transporter logs to the captain’s ready room. We don’t know yet where they transported her to, but it had to be a place big enough to hide the stasis chamber. But we have searched the ship so many times, I can’t believe we haven’t found it? But we will find it now. We have tracked down most of their encrypted shields. This time the tricorders will find it.”

Seven unsteadily turned around, hope rising in her eyes.

*****

Long, blonde hair curled around her fingers and she lovingly caressed the soft tresses. The metallic piece that adorned the left of the woman’s beautiful blue eyes made her lean over and kiss it, tasting the metal, warmer than expected.

She had not dreamed as vividly in a long time, though she had no idea how long. She was still as cold, and pain surged through her joints. It was agonising and still she couldn’t move to alleviate the pain.

Seven, Seven, Seven. I had become a mantra, something to say over and over to override the torture of lying motionless without vision, hearing or even feeling ones own breath. To feel so frozen to the bones and not being able to even shiver.

What she wouldn’t give to be able to touch that warm, alabaster skin? To kiss the fullness of those lips that could moan her own name so softly, excruciatingly tender when they kissed her back. She had long forgot how she had come to know these things.

If only she could … she would wish for nothing else.

*****

Neelix found her.

Despite ship wide sensor sweeps, tricorder scans and door to door knocking by Tuvok’s men, the little Talaxian was the one who found the stasis chamber.

He had entered the shuttle bay to retrieve a scanning device he had suddenly remembered keeping in his old space ship that had remained unused on Voyager ever since they blew up the Caretaker’s array. Figuring it couldn’t hurt to try it, he had opened the door to his old ship and doing so he realised there were several handprints in the dust on the door lock.

It was right in front of him. The large, black coffin like box filled up the small aisle in his old ship. Gasping for air, he slapped his comm badge and alerted the commander.

He then tried to approach the stasis chamber but was stopped by a force field. He tried to get the computer to lower it, but had no luck. All the time he tried to look inside the chamber with his heart in his throat.

Suddenly the force field glimmered shortly and was gone. He tentatively stepped closer. She was lying there. Pale and with no apparent life signs she lay there in her uniform. Her hair was dishevelled and there were a couple of bruises on her right cheek and temple. She had not gone voluntarily.

The multicoloured lights indicating the chamber was active and online, was encouraging but he was careful not to touch them, simply stood there, caressing the glass above her head, over and over, mumbling words of comfort with tears streaming down his face.

*****

Chakotay entered the small ship, having to dip his head to get inside. B’Elanna and Harry was right behind him, having been with him when the hail came over the comm badge.

“Did the force field go down?” B’Elanna asked hastily. “We had just discovered it and was decoding it when you hailed us, Neelix.”

“Yes. It’s her,” Neelix whispered. “It’s the captain, Commander.”

B’Elanna scanned the chamber and a grim expression distorted her face.

“The chamber is working but not completely. I have no idea what this has done to her. She is in stasis but since the chamber is malfunctioning we have no way of knowing what damage has been done to her.”

“Can we get her out?” Chakotay asked.

“Not here. We should transport the whole thing with the captain inside to sick bay. And I suggest we do it promptly. I don’t trust this chamber for a second. It’s software is highly unstable.”

*****

Seven of Nine was scanning through a set of Jeffrey’s tubes when Chakotay hailed her.

“Seven, report to sick bay. We’ve found her.”

Her heart stopped. She must be damaged due to lack of regeneration, she thought, since her heart kept skipping beats.

She didn’t bother crawling back through the tubes but requested a site to site transport to sick bay. When she materialised she saw the stasis chamber in the middle of the room, surrounded by the Doctor, B’Elanna, Chakotay and Neelix.

Chakotay looked up.

“Come here, Seven,” he said. “She is alive, we know that much. The Doctor with deactivate the chamber now.”

Seven couldn’t move. She tried to will her legs to carry her over to them, to her, but they betrayed her and all she could do was extend her arms toward the stasis chamber in the most moving of gestures.

B’Elanna walked over to her and put a supporting arm around her waist.

“Come here. Your face should be the first she sees. Come now.”

She pulled the tall blonde with her and that gave Seven enough strength and co-ordination back to walk over to the chamber.

The sight of her beloved lying so still in there made her sob once. Noticing the bruises and the mussed hair she had to lean against the chamber, her fists opening and clenching over and over. “Kathryn … “ she whispered. ”Oh, Kathryn.”

The Doctor tapped in a few commands and the stasis lid slid open. Everyone felt the coldness emerging from the opening and stared at each other in disbelief.

“Why is it so cold?” Harry asked, horrified.

The Doctor scanned the small form inside the chamber.

“The chamber was set on standard stasis preservation but has also engaged some small part of the cryo technology. In short, she has been in stasis, but not deeply enough. The cryo state has prevented serious damage to her internal systems, but it also implies …” He hesitated, glancing at Seven.

“Precede,” the Borg demanded harshly.

Chakotay nodded.

“It implies that she has not been completely unconscious and also that she might have felt the cold.”

B’Elanna inhaled sharply, grabbing hold of Seven, who’s knees buckled. Harry groaned before tears started to run down his cheeks. Neelix had to sit down and the floor seemed good enough.

Chakotay had flinched but one look at the wavering, completely colourless Borg beside him made him get a grip on his own horror and extend a supporting arm around her waist next to B’Elanna’s.

“You mean she has been aware of her surroundings as well as the cold and totally helpless”, the Klingon managed.

“Yes. And now I need to …Ah, good, there you are Mr Paris, we need to move her to a bio bed.”

With joined efforts they moved the frail body of their captain to the closest bio bed. The Doctor scanned, administered several hypo sprays and then covered her up with a thermo blanket. Then he turned to the senior staff.

“She will recover from the ordeal physically as far as I can tell at this stage. Regarding the impact this will have on her emotionally … well, we can only speculate. I won’t wake her up, I want her to regain consciousness on her own. I will let you know when she comes around, Commander.”

“I will not leave her.” Seven’s voice was low but insistent.

“I know, Seven,” the Doctor said. “She needs you to be here when she wakes up.”

Seven nodded. There was no way they could have made her leave.

*****

The dreams that weren’t really dreams were more pleasant now. The cold was gone, in fact she felt warm and safe, even the voices had returned. They were softer too, not hissing or growling orders like before.

She was still very tired and she could not move her right arm. In fact her right side seemed paralysed but it was a vast improvement from being completely motionless like before.

The voices was closer now, she could even hear what they were saying even if she didn’t recognise them, although they seemed oddly familiar.

“Has she been here all along?”

“Yes, she fell asleep an hour ago and when I tried to make her lie down on a bio bed to rest, she … well, let’s just say she wasn’t inclined to listen to my advice.”

“She has been so upset and if the captain had not survived coming out of the chamber … I don’t think she would have survived it either.”

There was a short silence. “I think you are right, Lieutenant.”

“I feel bad, you know. I have not always been too kind to Seven, I thought she really was as cold as she pretends. Now I know better. The colder she seems, the more she is trying to cover up strong feelings, isn’t it so?”

“Yes. She feels very strongly and the love she feels for her captain are more powerful than anything I have ever seen.”

There, that name again. She knew that name so well. Seven. She wanted to say it out loud. Seven, Seven …

*****

“Seven?”

The voices came even closer and when she managed to slowly open her eyes, she saw the faces of a man and a Klingon woman, hovering above her.

“Seven?”

“She is here, Captain? It is wonderful to see you awake.”

“Seven?”

“She is here. Can’t you feel her? Here, let me help you.” The Klingon took her left hand and put it on a blonde head resting on her right shoulder. “Here she is. She is sleeping, she hasn’t left you side since we found you four hours ago.”

She felt the silky hair under her fingers and the familiar sensation sent the scattered pieces of her fragmented memory into place. A sudden dull headache returned together with her memory and she knew who she was and also who that sleeping woman on her shoulder was.

“Oh, Seven,” she gasped huskily. The blonde stirred and looked up at her.

“Kathryn! You are awake. Oh, Kathryn …” She burst into tears and clung to the older woman beneath her. Trembling and sobbing she tried to speak. “It was all my fault, Kathryn. I tried to find you and I was so worried and all that time it was all my fault. I am so sorry.”

She tried to pull back and Janeway’s weak hand fell off her neck.

“Your fault? How could possibly anything be your fault?” Janeway asked and looked confused from Seven to the Doctor and B’Elanna.

“It is not your fault, Seven,” the Doctor reassured. “Captain, Seven is tired beyond exhaustion, she is not to blame for what happened to you. It might have happened because of her, but it was by no means her fault.”

“I want to know what happened.”

“Captain, listen, please,” B’Elanna urged her. “You are still very weak and Seven just needs to be with you for a while. She has hardly regenerated at all lately, she is worn out. Why don’t we have a improvised senior staff meeting tomorrow? Everything is being handled. You’ll have time to talk to Seven in the meantime and she really … she really needs you right now.”

Janeway could only stare at her chief engineer.

She knew B’Elanna and Seven had had their fights over the years and this change and this hint of tenderness in the dark haired woman’s voice was a surprise. The Klingon had been in charge of a disastrous away mission recently where Seven had been hurt. B’Elanna had taken it very hard, blaming herself for not preparing her team properly and afterwards Janeway had sensed a new appreciation from the engineer towards the Borg. But this was more than that. This was not guilt talking, this was true concern.

“Alright,” she agreed, “tomorrow. Eight hundred hours.”

The Doctor and B’Elanna left them alone. Seven was still sitting close to her bio bed but keeping a certain distance, looking very unsettled.

“I need you to hold me, to put my arms around you, I seem to be very weak, darling,” Janeway said softly.

Seven hesitated for a second or two but then leaned over her captain close while putting the older woman’s arms firmly around her neck.

“There, much better,” Janeway purred huskily. “I feel much warmer and infinitely safer when you hold me.”

“I will never let you go if that is what you require, Kathryn.”

“Well, you might have to, but not just yet. I need you.”

“I need you as well. I love you.”

The simple, heartfelt words made Janeway tremble and instantaneously the Borg in her arms pulled her impossibly closer, rubbing her back and planting kisses on her auburn hair.

“I don’t know what happened,” Janeway said. “I remember working in my ready room after having dinner with you in the mess hall. Then it is all foggy. I kept dreaming, I was so cold and there were voices nearby in the beginning. Later I was all alone and all I could focus on was your name. I kept repeating it in my mind.”

“I am sorry that I did not hear you, Kathryn. We looked everywhere for you, but … I am sorry.” The shame in Seven’s voice was obvious.

“Shh … don’t. It wasn’t your fault. I am here now. You did find me and once I know what happened I will make sure it never happens again. I love you. I don’t want to be away from you, ever.”

“Then I will never leave you.”

“Thank you. I know you mean it.”

“I do.”

“Will you kiss me?”

Seven’s lips pressed softly against Janeway’s, carefully brushing against her mouth in the most loving, caring way, bringing tears of gratitude to be the recipient of such love to the captain’s eyes.

*****

The senior staff stood in a half circle around Janeway’s bio bed. She was propped up against her astrometric’s officer who refused to let go of her beloved for a second.

Janeway had tried to reassure her that she could perfectly well sit in a chair. Seven had indulged her but a rather humiliating attempt had her almost lying on the floor when her lack of co-ordination and balance made her topple over. As this proved the Borg right, she was had to allow the Borg to support her from behind.

“Alright, continue your report,” Janeway now said sternly, glaring at a mildly amused Chakotay who had cocked a surprised eyebrow when he spotted the vicelike grip Seven had around her captain’s waist.

“We now know that your abduction was an act of three crewmen and one ensign, who apparently is a computer expert on his spare time. They are usually working the gamma shift on the lower decks. They were all very resentful of the Borg, two of them have lost loved ones to them at Wolf 359. They objected to Seven staying on Voyager from the beginning but seemed to accept her presence later on. It wasn’t until it became public knowledge that you and Seven were a couple, that they made plans to abduct you and then put the blame on Seven.”

“Why?” Janeway hissed.

“They thought they were rescuing you, Captain,” Chakotay said with a sigh. “They thought you were being coerced by Seven into this relationship, that she was planning to assimilate first you and then the rest of the senior officers. They figured that if they abducted you, stashed you cleverly in Neelix old ship behind a level five force field, masked with Borg encryption codes, then she would be blamed and after that we would never trust her again, preferably dump her on the closest M class planet.”

Janeway pressed herself back against Seven who tenderly rubbed her chin on the older woman’s hair. The affectionate gesture did not go unnoticed, Tom smiled broadly and B’Elanna even winked at them.

“They masked everything they hid in the computer with Borg encryption codes. Old ones, the first Seven used when she came onboard three years ago. We have yet to find out how the ensign hacked into the database to find them. They were good, but not good enough, fortunately. Harry and B’Elanna cracked the first codes, Seven the rest, and when Neelix stumbled on the stasis chamber in his ship, it was easy to scan later for DNA residue. We confronted them and they confessed immediately. They are not sorry, they are too adamant about their views. We have them safely in the brig and they will stay there until you are fit for duty, Captain and can decide what course of action we should take.”

Janeway was stunned.

“The rest of the crew? Where do they stand in all this?”

“Oh, they did gossip quite a bit,” Tom said casually. “But when everything was out in the open, all the facts known, I think I everyone here agrees with me that there has not been one more bad thing said about Seven or about the two of you being a couple. Mostly it is because of Seven herself.”

“Oh?” the Captain said, turning her head and looking at the blonde behind her. “How is that?”

“I do not know, Captain. I was not aware that the crew regarded me any differently today than they did yesterday,” Seven stated and looked curiously at Tom.

“Well,” he said, “they have seen more of her human side these last few weeks. It has been hard for you, Seven. You haven’t rested and you haven’t eaten. That is bound to show, even on you, being the perfect Borg or not. Ouch …” He glared at B’Elanna who had elbowed him in the ribs. “It was meant as a compliment!”

“Only you would think that a girl needs to know she looks a mess, helm boy,” B’Elanna rolled her eyes.

Janeway felt drained. She had almost lost her life, her sanity, because of members of her own crew hating the Borg in general and Seven in particular. That was what Seven had meant.

It was all because of her. But it had not been her fault and when she got her strength back she would show her Borg just how much she needed her to stay in her life.

“That is enough,” the Doctor said. “The captain needs her rest now. Meeting adjourned.”

Janeway tried glaring at him but knew he was right. She was exhausted and wanted only to lie down.

The senior staff left, only Chakotay stayed and came closer.

“You have one strong lady on your side, Kathryn,” he smiled. “And she handled everything very professionally. You would have been proud of her.”

“I am.” Janeway smiled back. “And from what Seven and B’Elanna told me earlier, I know I owe you everything too. Thank you for looking out for Seven.”

“My pleasure.”

“I hear she even allowed you to hug her.”

He blushed. Janeway had to smile even broader, that was too funny.

“That would be an exaggeration, Captain,” he claimed. “I was being supportive, that was all.”

“On the contrary, Commander,” Seven said bluntly. “You did hold me and I was leaning into your personal space with my head on your shoulder. I think that qualifies as a hug.”

Chakotay cleared his throat and took a step back.

“Well, I’ll let you rest now, Captain. See you tomorrow.” He quickly walked out of sick bay.

Janeway laughed softly.

“You are naughty. You really embarrassed him, Seven.”

“I did not intend to embarrass the commander, Kathryn, I merely was trying to correct his terminology. He did hug me, it was very nice of him. He should take credit for it.”

“Oh, Seven,” Janeway gasped, trying not to fall of the bio bed from exhausted laughter. “You are killing me. Nice of him? Admit you enjoyed embarrassing him. Oh my goodness, the look on his face …”

Seven gently lowered Janeway down on the bio bed and stood next to it, one hand in the captain’s hair and the other one caressing her shoulder.

“You must rest now and I need to regenerate. The Doctor told me that if I regenerate for twelve hours I can bring you home tomorrow and attend to you myself, in our quarters. You must agree to wear a cortical monitor however.”

Janeway already knew this, the Doctor had told her of his plan to force Seven to regenerate for an extended period.

“That sounds wonderful, darling. You do that, I can’t wait until you come and fetch me.”

“I look forward to it as well, Kathryn,” Seven said, eyes shining even if she was so tired she could hardly see straight.

“Go now.”

“I will be back tomorrow.”

“I’ll be here.”

*****

The tall blonde had a beautiful blue dress that matched her eyes. It floated around her knees in the wind and she was raising her face to the sun above her, smiling broadly.

She had no shoes on, standing barefoot in the soft grass she began to whirl with her arms extended, like trying to fly.

The blue eyed girl span faster and faster, started to stumble, losing her balance, almost falling but still she whirled faster, laughing out loud.

She wanted to call out a warning to the young woman, help her find her bearings. Her lips moved but she could not get the name over her lips. She began to cry, not only of frustration but also because she had never seen the blonde this happy before.

She tried again and again. Suddenly whatever had restricted her voice was gone and she could use it.

“Seven!”

*****

“Seven! Seven …”

The auburn haired woman tossed and turned in the bed beneath the view port. She kicked off the blankets and involuntarily kicked her partner as well.

Seven woke up and quickly gathered the sweaty, shivering captain in her arms. Rocking and humming a silent melody in the smaller woman’s ears, she comforted her in a way nobody had done since Janeway was a little girl.

“I couldn’t call out to you … I … I had no voice, Seven,” she gasped.

“It was a bad dream, it is gone now,” Seven answered softly. “Shall I get you a new night gown, Kathryn?”

“Yes, but not yet. I need you to hold me a little while longer.”

“I will hold you as long as you require,” Seven stated readily.

“I know, darling.”

Slowly her heart stopped racing, slowing down to a more bearable pace. She nuzzled the neck she was pressed against.

“Seven … Annika.”

“Yes?”

“I just needed to say your name. Just to know I can.”

Seven considered this.

“I do not know if I can ever understand what it was like for you to lie inside that chamber in a semi-conscious state. I know you must have been very cold and very afraid. Can you ever forgive me for not finding you sooner, Kathryn?” Seven whispered.

“There is nothing to forgive. I think we both will need some time to work through the psychological impact this has had on us. I have already noticed a certain amount of claustrophobia I never had before. But if that is all I have to deal with, I am still fortunate.”

“Kathryn?”

“I still have you.”

“What if they had succeeded? What if they had managed to put the blame on me?”

Janeway shook her head.

“Darling, don’t you see? Weather or not I had been found in time, they never would have succeeded to blame you. Chakotay knows you by now. I will admit he was not happy about keeping you on Voyager to begin with but he has changed. And so has B’Elanna. They know how much I love you and I hear it was pretty apparent how much you love me, to every member of this crew. They would never had believed that you would ever hurt me in any way.”

Seven hugged her closer.

“We are a family here and once I sort things out with these misguided four in the brig, we will be again. I promise you.”

The younger woman pulled her chin up and kissed her captain.

“Mm … I am sweaty. You better let me go, I need to take a quick shower.”

“That is not necessary.”

“But I am sticky.”

“I prefer you sticky.”

Janeway chuckled. “You do? It must be love.”

“It is.”

*****

Continued in Among Stars 6 - "Feelings Explained"