Beyond Sadness

Beyond Sadness

© GB

Out on the balcony the night was silent and soft as velvet. It seemed to personify the loneliness within her with its mellow, typical evening sounds. The only real thing, contradicting the dreamy state she was in, was the cold metal bar against her hands.

A year, twelve months today, exactly. Twelve lonely, turbulent months that had started out with the initial excruciating pain, then all the practical arrangements and later all the stages of mourning.

The hardest part of all had been to realise and to face that fact that he was gone.

The man she had woken up next to for more than twenty years, all her adult life, was gone. A slippery road, taking a curve to fast, colliding with a huge truck … It had all ended so quickly. She had hugged him good-bye as usual that morning, before leaving for her own work. He had taken the week off work and decided to visit his mother. He never made it.

Now it was autumn again, a year later. The leaves shifted in colour the way she loved to watch, some of them already withering away on the ground. It wasn’t at all like the autumn a year ago when extremely cold weather for the season had made the roads icy and covered in leaves.

She shivered. It was too cold to be standing out here, she had better go inside.

Just as she closed the balcony door, the phone rang.

She picked up the phone. “Rosie.”

She had stopped answering with her surname after he died.

“Hi, sweetie! What are you up to? Anything special going on? Can I come over?”

The energetic and friendly female voice belonged to her friend Maureen. She was the person closest to her, who had helped her through this last, tough year, with all the things she had had to deal with. Maureen had been her shield against the world.

“I have no plans. But are you sure you want to waste a Friday evening on you your old friend?”

Maureen laughed softly.

“You’re kidding. Would I trade your stimulating company against a sweaty crowd at some night club? Have you seen the kind of movies that are in the cinemas right now? Brain dead action movies and sentimental rubbish.” She snorted and then laughed. “A cosy evening with you … perhaps unpack some more china and stuff … sounds like my kind of evening.”

Rosie laughed helplessly at her friend’s well-expressed sarcasm, delivered with her usual flare.

“You are always welcome. It has been an entire week since I last saw you. I have unpacked most of my things, but I could always use a hand putting up books.” Rosie had used her remaining vacation to move to this apartment after selling the house she had lived in with Henry.

“You and your books … Did the movers break their backs, perhaps?”

“No, not those youngsters. They literally jumped around with my furniture like the well trained, toned men they appeared to be.”

A short silence passed, making Rosie frown wonderingly.

“Real studs, huh?” Maureen then joked in a strangely small voice.

“Now who’s kidding, “ Rosie smiled. “Those kids. Made my maternal feelings thrive, I had a feeling I ought to treat them to milk and cookies.”

Maureen laughed and sounded like her usual self again.

When the last book was in place on the shelf, Rosie slumped down on a chair, wiping sweat from her forehead.

“I will never ever move again. I am going to live here forever.”

“Good thinking,” Maureen agreed, taking a step back, regarding their efforts.

She was dressed in beige slacks and a white satin tank top. Strangely enough, but not surprising to Rosie, Maureen looked impeccable and had hardly broken a sweat. They had known each other for ten years, ever since Maureen started to work at the same bank as Rosie. They shared the same sense of humour but otherwise they were very different. Maureen was outgoing, vivacious and single. Rosie was shy and had been married.

Maureen was blond, tall and very slim. She sometimes complained about not having any feminine curves but Rosie knew better, having been swimming and taking saunas with her friend on numerous times. The blonde was slim with long, lean muscles and very feminine. When she tried to tell her this, Maureen laughingly dismissed it and insisted that she was a mix between a goat and a flag pole.

Rosie herself was round figured and with dark, shoulder length hair. She dressed preferably in loose dresses while Maureen preferred short skirts with matching jackets. Rosie sometimes envied her elegant friend that, but she would never look as good in such clothes as Maureen did.

Now she looked down at her crumpled shorts. Her tank top was soaked with sweat and a shower was definitely called for.

“I will just take a shower and then we can fix some cheese and crackers … perhaps open a bottle of wine, what do you think?” she asked Maureen.

“Sounds fine. Your new bathroom is fantastic. Is it alright if I take a bath while you shower? I have no bathtub, as you now, it would be wonderful.”

“Sure, you do that. I will find you a towel.”

When she entered the bathroom the shower was on and water was being filled into the oval tub. Maureen’s usual efficiency. She was in the process of taking off her clothes, folding them neatly and placing them on the lid of the toilet.

“A small bench or chair would be good here,” she said, smiling.

“Okay. Next pay check.”

Maureen was now naked and stretched in a very feline way before dipping one foot in the tub.

“Ah, precisely right … I am going to enjoy this.” She stepped in and sank all the way down to her chin in the bubbles. Contented she closed her eyes, sighing deeply.

Rosie watched her face with its elegant features relax, the witty, eloquent mouth soften and the short hair get moist from the steam hovering over the bath tub.

Then Maureen opened her eyes and looked straight at her dark haired friend. For a while her eyes rested on Rosie, after that she smiled teasingly:

“Aren’t you going to get undressed? It might be rational, but hardly pleasant to shower with your clothes on.”

Rosie made a face and pulled the tank top over her head. The sturdy bra which kept her ample breasts captured during the day went into the hamper next. She glanced at Maureen and the expression in her eyes made Rosie hesitate for a couple of seconds, her hands on her shorts.

Maureen did not hide that she observed her friend’s body through half lidded eyes.

“You are amazing,” she mumbled and smiled a little. “You are so much woman, like a first mother. Your skin is so fair and that suits you so well. I just look pale and gloomy. I get envious.”

Rosie nervously cleared her throat.

“I think you are perfect the way you are,” she offered. “You are tall and elegant, people respect you, listen to you. It is not always an advantage, very seldom actually, to be round and chubby looking. You become too cute …”

She stopped talking when Maureen hastily sat up in the tub, the water streaming down her body.

“Don’t let anybody get away with treating you any special way for how you look or how you dress.”

Rosie smiled reassuringly.

“No, no. I always nip it in the bud, you know. But you should be pleased with the way you look. You are beautiful. A lot of people envy you, you know.”

“Perhaps. But it is much nicer to hug someone who is soft and yielding.”

Rosie frowned at the distressed tone of her friend’s voice. Thinking about it she pulled off her shorts and her panties. Not until she glanced at Maureen did she notice her silence and that peculiar look appearing in the blonde’s eyes again.

“What is it, Maureen? Is something wrong?”

Maureen had sunk down into the bubble bath again and now shook her head.

“You have comforted and supported me a whole year now.” Rosie continued. “Don’t you think I don’t realise that it is the anniversary today. That it is his birthday on Monday? That you are my most understanding and compassionate friend, the most caring …”

“I’m not!” Maureen interrupted harshly, hitting the water with her hand, making it splash over the edge of the tub.

Rosie went silent and could only stare at the other woman who had tears in her eyes.

Forgetful about her own nudity she kneeled next to the tub.

“Darling, what is it?”

“You don’t want to know. Let’s just say it is something I have thought about for a long time. I won’t let it come between us. I won’t allow that.”

Rosie didn’t understand anything. What was Maureen talking about? Was she carrying a secret that she didn’t know about? They knew everything about each other. Or didn’t they?

She extended her hand and stroked Maureen’s cheek. Maureen flinched and then quickly covered it with her own.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. You are my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without you. We have been though so much together and lately you have been so sad that I could have done anything … everything …” She trailed off and regarded Rosie with enormous, concerned eyes.

This was so unlike the self-assured Maureen that Rosie not quite knew how to respond.

“I will shower now”, she decided. “You just lie here and soak and then we’ll talk. This is something we need to figure out. We are the best of friends and nothing will change that.”

She quickly stepped into the shower and then washed herself, eager to rejoin her friend. When she came out and reached for a towel, Maureen was still in the bath with her head turned away. Something was obviously wrong.

With her heart in her throat she wrapped herself in the towel and knelt again next to the tub.

“Maureen, honey, what is wrong?”

“Everything.”

Rosie’s heart skipped a beat. Maureen wasn’t ill, was she? Her voice had such a distressed tone, such a finality about it. Like something was vanishing or ending.

“You are scaring me. What is wrong? You’re … you’re not ill, are you?”

Rosie’s trembling voice made Maureen look at her. “No, no. I am just fine. Don’t worry about anything like that. I am just fine. Just fine.” She burst into tears. She hid her face in her hands and violent sobs worked themselves out of her throat.

Rosie wanted to hold her but she pulled back.

“No, don’t touch me.”

“Of course I have to touch you! You are feeling bad and I need to hold you. Come out of there, we have to deal with this. You haven’t even given me a hint that you are not happy.”

Rosie’s words made Maureen gasp for air and then bread into laughter.

“Happy … Oh, dear Lord …” Then she cried again.

Rosie managed to pull the other woman out of the bath tub and wrap her in another towel straight from the heater. Having her arms around her in a comforting hug she led her into the living room where a solitary lamp cast a soft glow over the saffron coloured couch in the corner.

“Now sit here. Look, I am here with you now and I will remain her until you tell me what is going on.”

Maureen was sitting slumped back on the couch, tears still trickling down her cheeks from under her firmly closed eyes.

Rosie wiped them away as they came with the back of her hand, whispering cooing words of comfort to the distraught woman. Maureen then thoroughly surprised her by taking her hand and pressing Rosie’s palm against her own trembling lips.

Rosie waited, not moving an inch. Her friend’s actions were not like her and she had to be in some sort of crisis. Perhaps Rosie’s own mourning had taking too much room and Maureen’s problem had had to take a backseat?

“There now, tell me,” she asked again.

Maureen removed the dark woman’s hand from her lips and stared at her with stormy eyes that appeared full of shadows.

“You never really understood, did you Rosie?” she asked hoarsely.

“No. I know I have been selfish in my mourning this last year. I am so sorry for now paying attention to any signs telling me you were not okay. But I am listening now. You must tell me. Perhaps there is something I can do?”

Maureen threw her head back, laughing, hardly a nice laughter either. “You are far from selfish. Just blind.”

Now she understood even less, Rosie thought, bemused. Was she so self-absorbed that she failed to see anything?

Maureen turned and looked straight into her eyes.

“I’m in love with you. I have been for years.”

The silence was deafening. Rosie’s eyes grew big and her brain tried to comprehend the information which seemed impossible.

“Yes, I am bisexual. Does that shock you?”

Maureen’s harsh voice made her brain shift into gear and a lot of pieces in the puzzle suddenly fit.

“No, it doesn’t. You know me better than that,” Rosie answered a bit overwhelmed. “but I am surprised … you’ve been hiding it well.”

“I have? Perhaps. But I have taken all my chances. Do I strike you as the cuddly type, really? You are the only one of all my friends that I hug, at all. Long hugs … intensive. Kisses on the cheek.”

She had a point. Maureen was an elegant, classy lady and even if she was very extrovert in her ways, she was also very private. Except towards her best friend.

She cleared her throat.

“Now you are trying to intimidate me. You think I will reject you and by talking like that you think you will beat me to it. It won’t work.”

Maureen studied her coldly. It hurt Rosie to see her friend so distressed and trying to act so indifferent.

“You have no idea how it has been to be apart of your life, these last years. To watch your marital bliss, to be close to you but not allowed to tell you how I really feel. Play the best friend who is happy to be the fifth wheel during our vacations. Getting strange looks from our colleagues for still being single in spite of my ‘dazzling self’.”

Rosie could not imagine any of it but her heart ached for the exhausted woman next to her on the couch.

“Well, Rosie, do you really dare to sit next to me like this, naked, with just a towel to cover your luscious, tempting body?”

“Don’t be a fool now,” Rosie answered sharply. “We have been naked together on numerous occasions. I am not afraid of you, one way or the other. You are Maureen, my best friend … even if things might be a little more complicated than it was before. But I can never change or deny my love for you. Weather you are bisexual, heterosexual or a lesbian. You are my Maureen …”

Maureen sobbed again and rubbed a trembling hand over her forehead.

”But everything has changed. Everything! You can never be completely at ease with me again. I never should have told you. Why was I so stupid?” Her voice sank to a whimper.

“You are not stupid,” Rosie said comfortingly. “And you don’t have to be afraid. Henry is gone, we lost him. Do you really, for one moment, that I would reject my very best friend? It is you and I now, Maureen. You are a part of my life, a part of me. You can never do or say anything that can make me stop caring about you. You should just be yourself.”

Maureen could only stare at her. Speechless she looked at her friend smiling so gently at her.

“Are you saying that you are able to just accept what I told you? That you can continue to spend time with me in the same casual way as before?” she asked apprehensively.

“I am convinced I can. You say you are in love with me. Haven’t we both felt love for one another? Friendship is also a kind of love. Henry and I counted you as family. The only difference to that now is that we both are mourning Henry.”

“But you don’t understand. I have confessed that I am in love with you … this means that you turn me on. That seeing your naked body arouses me sexually. Rosie, you are the sweetest, most generous person, but I don’t think you truly understand.”

“Who is underestimating me now?” Rosie asked tenderly and put a hand around Maureen’s neck. “Certainly, I understand that you have needs like everybody else. Who am I to deny you that part of love?”

Maureen quickly got up from the couch and stood at the other side of the coffee table. It seemed like she needed as much space between them as possible.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked huskily. “That was an ambiguous thing to say. Don’t make fun of me.”

Rosie shook her head.

“I’m not. I don’t know much about love between women. But I know that I wouldn’t mind it if you wanted to be with me. It is you. Not a stranger. I know you better than I know anybody. I didn’t know this side of you … but now I do and I accept it.”

“So … you would sleep with me out of pity? For my needs?” Maureen hissed and backed off another step.

“Don’t talk to me like that. You now I would never do that, not with a man either! Maureen, come and sit down. I am having a hard enough time reaching you as it is.”

Maureen glared at her but came around the coffee table and sat down next to her friend again.

“Please, listen to me, Maureen. This is it; I need you in my life. You are my joy and you bring my life love, safety and lots of laughter and smiles. I am happier with you than without you. When Henry was alive it was the three of us, now it is you and I, but not even when he was alive could I possibly have imagined my life without you there. You belong.”

“But …”

“The sexual side of it? You are going to have to show me. I have never been with a woman, I have no idea how it is supposed to be or how it will feel.”

Before Maureen found her voice, Rosie undid her towel and exposed her breasts. They were large and heavy with crimson nipples.

Maureen stared at them and then at Rosie who looked at the blonde with an angelic smile.

Without being able to stop herself, Maureen extended a hand and briefly touched the nipple closest to her. It pebbled immediately and Rosie inhaled audibly … and exhaled when Maureen’s hand settled firmly on the breast again. The elegant hand held the yielding orb, caressed it while trembling.

“It feels good,” Rosie offered and smiled.

“It is supposed to,” Maureen answered, reciprocating the smile carefully. “Lean back,” she suggested and followed, seeking the tip of the breast in her hand with her mouth. “Mm … you taste wonderfully,” she sighed against Rosie’s skin. “You are warm and soft, a real woman.” She reached out for the other breast and rubbed it with the intensity as the first. Rosie closed her eyes and was surprised by the small flame that ignited in the pit of her stomach, slowly spreading to her thighs.

Maureen’s lips moved slowly over Rosie’s skin, up to her neck where she found the pulse that fluttered nervously under the soft and pliant skin.

Rosie wanted to do something. She needed to caress Maureen’s back but didn’t know how to go about it. Surely Maureen wanted Rosie to see her naked? Overcome with a sudden urge to look at the beautiful woman fondling her, she pulled on the her towel and it fell off Maureen effortlessly.

Maureen flinched and gave Rosie a shocked look.

“Rosie … what are you doing?”

“If you have studied me in secret for years, I guess it is my turn now?”

Maureen laughed, nervously. “Perhaps,” she allowed. “But you know I am too skinny.”

“Nonsense, you nothing of the kind. You are graceful and beautiful. ‘A real woman’, to quote someone I know well.”

She pulled Maureen close, the woman ending up half sprawled over her on the couch, both of them lying against the armrest. She let her hands slide over the slim woman’s back and bottom. She was so smooth and soft. So different but also so like herself in so many ways.

Maureen was moaning now and trembling in her arms. She was sucking and licking with abandon at Rosie’s nipples, her elegant hands kneading the flesh passionately.

“I can’t believe this is really happening”, she mumbled huskily. “You are here and can … I can finally …”

Rosie’s hands travelled to Maureen’s stomach and she tried to catch them.

“No, no … you don’t have to …”

“Of course I do. You can’t cheat me of this,” Rosie said, trembling.

Maureen tore the other woman’s towel all the way off and her eyes feasted on all that generous skin. She let her hands roam freely, loving the silky feeling of it. It lured her closer and when she for a moment lost her balance and slid down from the couch, ending up on her knees on the floor, she ceased the moment and spread Rosie’s thighs.

Rosie gasped at the intimate action and Maureen glanced apprehensively at her. But her friend, rapidly becoming her lover, just smiled, if only somewhat tentatively.

“May I touch you, my darling?” Maureen asked quietly.

Rosie nodded, her throat choked from all the emotions rising inside her.

Maureen lowered her head and with her lips and tongue she traced new, secret paths along Rosie’s fantastic thighs. She tormented the other woman for several minutes before she started to approach her goal. She gazes up at her beloved again, as if she needed to be sure, before she let her index finger get closer to the wet folds behind the dark hair between her legs. It was hot and very moist, her finger entered her lover easily. Rosie moaned out loud and bit her lip not to cry out when another finger found its way inside.

“Maureen … what you are doing … it feels amazing … don’t’ stop …”

Happy and excited beyond words Maureen leaned forward and found the sensitive nubbin in the middle of all the hot wetness. Rosie flinched and watched that blonde head between her legs. The sight was so erotic, so gloriously sinful, she could feel the first convulsions in the pit of her stomach. It had been so long … She squirmed and noticed Maureen intensifying her efforts on her most sensitive parts. Her tongue was like a butterfly over her slick folds and her fingers, oh Lord, there were three of them now, were sliding in and out of her, rubbing at the extremely responsive spot inside her.

It was happening now, she though dimly. She was Maureen’s lover now. Her best friend, her new beloved … her love … “Maureen, don’t stop … now, I am coming now …”

The red mist before her eyes took reality away and she whimpered out loud at the sensations. She undulated against her lover, pulsated around her fingers. Wave after wave of electric silver surged through her. She had never felt this good. She didn’t compare Maureen to Henry, she had no wish to. But this was something so incredible …

When she came to again, Maureen was lying beside her on the large couch and studied her with some concern in her eyes. “Was it … pleasing?” she asked almost shyly as if Rosie’s answer meant everything.

“Pleasing?” Rosie mumbled and pulled the other woman closer. “It was fireworks. I think I went to Venus and back or something. You are an amazing lover.”

Maureen blushed. Rosie could hardly believe her eyes. The confident, self-assured Maureen blushed like a schoolgirl. This made her giggle and then laugh out loud at the surprised look on the other woman’s face.

Rosie got up on her elbow and looked sternly down at Maureen.

“Now it’s your turn.”

“No, no … this if fine. To make you happy …”

“So, you are all satisfied, then?”

“But that is a different matter …”

“It’s not. If we are going to have a relationship and maintain happiness and fulfilment in our love it has to be equal. It’s your turn now.”

Without any more talk Rosie bent down and kissed Maureen. Kisses were always the same, she figured. She knew how to kiss.

She separated Maureen’s lips with her tongue and examined her mouth thoroughly. Maureen helplessly kissed her back and sighed, over and over again. Their lips were soft and warm together, both of them having full lips and seldom or never using lipstick. Rosie gently bit down on Maureen’s lower lip which made the blonde gasp and moan again.

“What do you want me to do now? Should I perhaps spend some time here?” Rosie softly took a perky little breast in her hand. Maureen’s whimper led her to believe she was on the right track and she happily continued her exploring. The small, pink nipples were already stiff with excitement and she knew how good it felt to have them kissed. She bent over her lover and opening her mouth wide she devoured the breast. With deep sucking motions she made her beloved squirm on the couch beneath her. She was surprise to find that she rather enjoyed being in charge. She was also getting aroused again, that was also a revelation.

Maureen’s stomach was soft and flat. Rosie traced it with lips and hands, enjoying the pliability of it.

Further down, Maureen had nowhere near as much hair as she did herself. She could clearly see the full lips and her mouth went dry from nervousness and expectation. How would this turn out? Was she going to be able to please her?

Maureen sensed her hesitation and tried to pull back. “No,” Rosie growled and grabbed her thighs. Almost rough in her fear of doing something wrong, of not daring, she held her firmly and spread her legs.

The pink flower before her was beautiful. There was no other word for a woman’s most sensitive part. It looked so frail, Rosie found herself in complete reverence. Without any fear or shyness she kissed these lips as she had kissed Maureen’s mouth.

Maureen screamed. She was ready to fly on the wings of passion already. It wouldn’t take much more until she would reach her goal. Rosie spread the soft folds and let her tongue slide along the inner lips, slowly and the taste and texture of the aroused woman turned out to be very appealing. She then caught the tender, swollen nubbin just in time to ride the wave of her orgasm together with her lover.

Maureen whimpered and moaned, pulled at Rosie’s tousled hair in her attempts to get closer. A sudden inspiration made Rosie insert three fingers inside her lover, obviously she was very tight and the sudden invasion made Maureen scream at the top of her lungs and explode into convulsions again.

“Rosie, Rosie … oh God, what are you doing … how did you know .. how could you possibly know … oh …”

She mumbled and laughed and mumbled again, where she lay all spent. Tall, lean and very sated … this beautiful woman who loved Rosie.

They had crackers and drank a whole bottle of wine. The mood was casual and happy and for the first time since that awful day a year ago, Rosie began to see that there was a future. Rosie and Maureen would always have each other. Maybe they would not be lovers forever, maybe they would. But their friendship was there with a strong foundation in them being so close for ten years.

She was making Maureen happy now and the fact that she had found such happiness and pleasure in another woman’s body was astonishing but when it was her Maureen, it felt good … natural.

They knew each other so well, this new development was not such a big step as it might seem.

Rosie bent over and licked a drop of wine from Maureen’s lower lip.

Maureen shuddered, her eyes widening.

“Nice wine, isn’t it?” she offered.

“Very nice. Useful.” Rosie answered casually

“How do you mean, Rosie?”

“Well, you can poor it into a glass …”

“Yes?”

“And in your mouth.”

“Mm.”

“And here.”

“Iiiiiih … that is cold! Oh … but that’s not cold … oh … what are you doing … mm … Rosie? More wine, please.”

*****

The End