Seven
of Nine, the tertiary adjunct of Unimatrix Zero, stood before her Captain
rigidly, because she was nervous. She had been serving on the USS Voyager for
almost seven years as a part of the vessel's journey to the Alpha Quadrant. An
ongoing journey that started ten years ago when a being called the Caretaker
whisked the Intrepid class vessel and the Maquis ship it was chasing, away from
the Badlands and into the dangerous Delta Quadrant.
The USS
Voyager and its crew have been journeying home ever since that initial incident.
Their greatest chance to get to Earth earlier than the estimated 70 years, came
three years before when they came across a Borg transwarp hub. Unfortunately,
they couldn't utilize it because there had been over 47 Borg signatures inside
the nebula, which disguised the fact that the huge conduit led to different
areas of the galaxy including the Alpha Quadrant and Earth.
Despite, Ensign Harry Kim's enthusiasm, they simply
could not come up with a plan to get the ship through without being destroyed
and the one option that Janeway had considered and would have implemented had
they all agreed upon, was quickly rebuked by her senior staff with Seven of Nine
being the strongest proponent against the Captain's suicidal suggestion.
Seven
could not and would not let her Captain sacrifice her life to get them home even
if it would greatly devastate the Borg collective in this sector of space. Seven
had come to care for her too much. She could not lose her best friend and
Captain. The concept of that loss was shockingly overwhelming to the young
woman. Although she was dating Commander Chakotay at that time in her life, she
felt an inexplicable emptiness with regards to her relationship with the Captain
as they spent less and less time together, but she couldn't pinpoint the exact
reasons why.
The
first four years she spent on Voyager were a difficult transition for her. She
made small steps forward and large steps backwards before her hard efforts to
regain her humanity finally paid off, supposedly by engaging in a romantic
relationship with Voyager's first officer. She had courted Commander Chakotay
for six months and although she did not know if she was 'in love' with
him, as the humans called it, he had asked her to marry him. In her dating
infancy, she did not consider any other possible mates on Voyager and not
wanting to admit to failure or disappoint her Captain in her goal to become more
human, she complied, not truly knowing what else to do.
As of
today, Seven had been married to Chakotay for two years, eleven months, 27 days,
21 hours and 33 minutes. This partnership was supposed to make her more human.
The act of intimacy, of giving and receiving love both emotionally and
physically was the final lesson. However, Seven did not exactly feel that she
had learned that lesson properly. She still did not feel completely human or
whole and she was at a loss to explain why she had failed.
From
the beginning of their marriage after Seven realized that she was not achieving
the level of satisfaction that research indicated she should from copulation,
she had brought it up in a discussion that became heated. Chakotay seemed
wounded and had taken exception to it, so from then on she kept quiet about the
subject.
After
that lack of understanding, the sex between them on her part, was merely a
formality to the marriage that Seven felt obligated to give into despite her
emotional despondency to it. The mechanics of the act was always the same if not
particularly loving. The climax he brought her to was not the all-encompassing
extravaganza that humans had led it to be. Not for her. Not until Seven
started fantasizing about another.
It
started as a harmless dream that turned erotic over the course of a month before
the visions invaded her personal time with her husband. In a careless moment,
she had let her thoughts drift during sex. She oddly thought of being intimate
with another and when the moment of release came, she cried out at the
unexpected intensity of it. Her body had responded animatedly to the mere
thought of being intimate with a person other than her husband and it both
excited and frightened her.
Was
something wrong with her? Was she being unfaithful?
It was
a strange development for her and difficult for her analytical mind to
comprehend why such a thing would occur in the first place. After contemplating
it for many more months as it continued to occur, both in her dreams and during
intimacy, it was obvious that she had strong hidden feelings for her dream
lover. Realizing that she should have pursued that individual all those years
ago only made Seven feel utter regret and anger at her ignorance and failure to
do so. Now it was too late. The individual was simply unavailable,
mentioning it to Seven often, clearly forbidding that aspect of life for duty
alone.
Seven
did not dwell on it any further and simply accepted the pleasure she received
from the mental visions of the person she believed she loved because it was the
only satisfaction she got from the sexual interaction with her husband.
It had
been an amiable relationship if not passionate until she found out one year ago
by the Doctor that she could not have children due to her time as a Borg. She
did not have the proper reproductive organs to allow it, due to her assimilation
as a child.
Chakotay had talked animatedly about having children
only a few months after they had gotten married, but they agreed to wait to
allow Seven the time to adjust to being married. When Seven finally gave
in to the pressure years later, she scheduled a checkup with the Doctor to make
sure everything was ok biologically, but it wasn't.
Her
husband was more than disappointed when she broke the news to him. She
even remembered the way he had looked at her after she explained why. As if
being an ex-Borg who couldn't conceive for him was all her fault in his eyes and
his marriage to her had been a wasted effort. After all the time they had been
together, even if they weren't in love, how could he be so judgmental and
selfish? It had hurt Seven, but it did not devastate her. She did
not love him enough for that.
He
failed to notice her disappointment for not being able to have children for him
or perhaps it didn't matter. Truthfully, Seven did not want to have children
with him, but she would have complied with the vows that she took during
their marriage ceremony. Regardless of her loyalty and compliance, things were
never the same after that and although he tried to continue on from there, he
could not go back to the way things were.
The sex
stopped immediately, but Seven did not miss it. Intimacy had never been what she
expected it to be and she still had her dream lover, which nothing could take
away from her except death itself.
So
without love and understanding, their marriage was doomed and after almost
another year of misery Chakotay finally asked for a divorce. She would not
have asked for one, despite their emotional and physical separation.
She was
loyal to her word and would have given him anything he required, even distance.
Seven had wondered if he married her just so he could have strong sons and
daughters. In order to carry on his name, his genetics. Perhaps, he wasn't
in love with her either, but Seven understood that. She cared for
him deeply, but never 'fell in love' with him either.
He
never verbally clarified exactly why he wanted a divorce, but then again he
didn't have to. He wanted children she couldn't give him and he didn't love her
enough to overcome that defect.
Unfortunately, Seven had to break that news to her
Captain, who would be, no doubt, greatly disappointed in the blonde.
"Seven," the Captain's voice broke the young woman's
history lesson to herself and her mind came back to the present. "What can I do
for you?" Janeway asked easily sitting back in the sofa seat of her Ready Room
on the upper level. She was relaxed, Seven noted. The Captain had one arm
stretched out along the top of the sofa with her legs crossed and her other hand
clutching a PADD while it rested on her lap.
"Am I
interrupting you, Captain?"
"This?"
She glanced the PADD in her hand. "Oh, no. Between you and me, I loathe
efficiency reports." She set it down on the glass table in front of the
couch.
Seven
assessed the Captain's mood. An important aspect to consider before she
spoke. The auburn haired woman seemed calm and relaxed. Her face light and
easy, with a slight smile adorning her classical features. Her eyes were more
blue than grey, always a good sign. Seven had notated on more than one
occasion that the Captain's eyes turned grey when she was visibly upset or
angered. Seven didn't want her angry now. It was bad enough the Captain would
probably be immensely disappointed in her.
Over
the years, Seven had become more docile in her opposition with the Captain
during disagreements. Risking disappointment bothered Seven more and more, so
she rarely argued heatedly with Janeway anymore. The young woman was initially
perplexed at the hidden power that Janeway had developed over her but as time
went along Seven eventually understood why.
I
have changed, Seven thought. My
perception of her and my feelings have grown and intensified. She speculated
mildly but none of it mattered except rank and duty. It was pointless to
hope for something that could not happen, so
Seven decided to get to the purpose of her visit.
"Chakotay has asked me for a divorce." She blurted out.
The
words hung in the air.
Instantly, Janeway's smile disappeared. "I'm so sorry
Seven." Sadness etched its mark on her face. "I didn't realize there were any
problems in your marriage." She added sympathetically. Janeway wasn't being
entirely truthful and it wasn't her business to say anything, but she had
noticed a growing distance between them for some time.
"I
understand that no marriage is perfect, Captain, but Chakotay has not been happy
for the past year. I think he finally realized that I would not have asked him
for a divorce despite his increasing efforts to ignore me."
Janeway
frowned at that. "Are you telling me you've been unhappy being with him for over
a year, yet you stayed married to him?"
"Yes,"
Seven didn't elaborate that she had never been what she would define as
'happy' for the entire time she had been married, but there was no reason
to tell that to her Captain and friend and add to her failure.
"Has he
been treating you all right?" Janeway asked cautiously.
"He has
been… fair."
"Do you
want me to talk to him?"
"For
what purpose, Captain? He is not in love with me and I cannot give him the
offspring he requires."
Janeway
looked aghast. "Certainly that can't be true! You've been married for
almost three years! I refuse to believe he would marry you just so he could have
children!"
"It is
true, Kathryn." Seven assured gently. "You are my friend, I would not lie to you
about this. It is how I feel."
"Do you
love him, Seven?"
"No, I
am not in love with him and I have never enjoyed intimacy with him either." She
admitted to her Captain and promptly lowered her head in shame. "I am sorry
Kathryn. I have failed you."
"What
are you talking about?!" The Captain was staggered by Seven's declaration of
failure. She hasn't failed me! Why would she think that?! Kathryn
thought her mouth agape.
"You
wanted for me to become fully human. Understanding love is the greatest way to
accomplish that. I do not comprehend this and I have failed at my marriage
to your best friend."
"You
haven't failed at anything!" Janeway derided her for thinking such a thing. "If
anything it's Chakotay's fault. If he can't see that what he has… that what he's
had for these last few years is precious, then he is truly blind and undeserving
of you! You have done nothing wrong. Your not being able to have children should
not even factor into the breakup of your marriage." Fuming, she vented her ire
because of Chakotay's role in this. How could he treat Seven like this? How
could he treat MY girl like this?!
"That
is very kind of you to say." Seven remarked, quietly pleased.
"It's
the truth, Seven. You deserve better than that. I will admit though, I
don't understand why you married him, if you weren't in love with him. Why did
you accept it Seven?" Janeway was more than just curious, her heart was asking
as well.
"I was…
lonely. I… I had no other prospects. I did not know what else to do? I do
care for him, just not like…" Seven froze not finishing the sentence, realizing
what she had almost said.
Not
like I care for you…
The
blonde ached for another and had for so many years but those feelings were not
reciprocated and she also thought it was inappropriate to have such emotions, so
she buried them deep within.
"Seven?" Janeway noticed the reticence.
"Captain, do you still love me?" She asked skeptical.
"Despite my failure."
Janeway's heart lurched in her chest before she stood
and took Seven's hand in her own. "Of course, you know we're friends." She
agreed affably. "Always."
Seven
smiled. "I do not wish to insult you, Kathryn, but… if you were male, I would
have wanted to marry you." Seven squeezed the Captain's hand to acknowledge the
bond they had between them.
"That's
a sweet thing to say Seven and I'm not insulted, not in the slightest." Janeway
felt touched and uncomfortable at the same time over the profound affirmation of
love. She hadn't expected it and swallowed her long hidden emotion down
hard. If Seven meant what she said, it was a good thing the blonde didn't
realize that they could've been an item despite their gender, if not for her
rank. It was the 24th century and those biases were long
gone.
Their
eyes met, looking deep. Something unspoken passed between them. Seven
eventually grew unsettled with the scrutiny and the silence.
"Thank
you, for your time, Captain." Seven removed her hand and exited the Ready
room.
The
lingering gaze of the Captain's held such regret.
The
next day, Janeway decided to have a little discussion with her first officer in
the Ready Room, regarding his personal affairs.
"I
can't Kathryn!" Chakotay pleaded his face pained at his inability to sustain his
marriage. He wasn't able to give Seven what she needed and that was that. "I'm
sorry."
"You're
sorry!? What about her!? Have you strung her along all this time hoping you'd
get some children out of the deal!" Janeway leaned over her Ready room
desk glaring at her first officer and long time friend as he sat guiltily in the
chair.
"Of
course not!" he defended. "I care for her. I do... its just that… " He looked at
his hands. "When I look at her now… all I see is Borg and what they've done to
her… to us! I can't see the woman anymore."
He
really was sorry, Kathryn could see that, but she couldn't feel sorry for him
and his short-sighted selfishness. What about how Seven felt? What about the
price she paid having been Borg for over 18 years of her life?
"The
Borg have done nothing to you! Seven is the one who has suffered for so many
years and this is how you repay her loyalty, her dedication to you! This is
about acceptance, understanding and love, not her being Borg and certainly not
her inability to have children."
Janeway
could forgive him for what she herself had been put through, but her heart would
not forgive him for what he put Seven through.
Janeway
glared at him. "You're obviously not in love with her! Why the hell did you
marry her in the first place?!"
"Excuse
me?!" The tattooed first officer exclaimed.
"You
heard me. Why?!"
"I
don't know… " Chakotay answered in shock over her disproportionate animosity.
"It seemed like the right thing to do. I didn't want to remain alone for the
rest of the journey to the Alpha Quadrant. I figured love would come in
time."
"You
dated her for six months. I think if you were going to fall in love with her, it
might've come in that time!"
"Maybe
it's simple for you to deny yourself companionship for the next twenty years or
so Kathryn, but I have needs…" He stood up, his face stern. "I won't apologize
for that!"
"You
married her so you could sleep with her!? Just for sex!!?" This information was
almost too much for Janeway to bear. She was very protective of Seven to a fault
and being in love with the blonde made her very biased as well.
"I'm
not that cold, Kathryn. I do have feelings for her."
"What
kind of feelings would that be exactly?" Janeway crossed her arms
furious.
"I
don't have to justify my personal choices to you!" He spat out. "Frankly
Captain, I don't know how you do it being alone all the time and I don't care.
You want to deprive yourself of a basic human need because you're afraid of
breaking a suggested Starfleet rule you go ahead, I won't."
"You
don't have to justify anything to me, but using Seven to fulfill your needs if
you weren't in love with her was wrong!"
"At
least I tried to love her!" He finished saying and stormed out.
Janeway
winced. The words cut deep. She flopped back down in her chair rubbing her face
with her hands in somber contemplation.
He
didn't understand anything. It had been so hard. He had no idea the
sacrifices she had made because of her duty as Captain. Having to watch them
court each other for so many months while she kept her distance, practically
decimated her at first. Janeway kept telling herself that it was just a fling, a
harmless infatuation that Seven would soon outgrow. Chakotay was never that warm
to Seven, so she figured it couldn't last. Janeway couldn't have been more wrong
and it took the Captain many months to recover somewhat emotionally so the loss
only burned as a dull ache. Eventually, with Tuvok's guidance and meditation
techniques, she was able to bury her emotions enough so she could function
effectively as Captain.
Now,
thanks to Chakotay's words, a flood of strong, repressed emotions came forward,
out of hiding to temporarily overwhelm the auburn haired Captain. Trying to
breath in and out to calm herself down, she continued to cover her face with her
hands as she remembered how her feelings began and the subsequent
suffering.
At
first, she had dreams of kissing Seven but she acknowledged them as a
happenstance, an aberration until she started dreaming of making love to Seven,
but she refused to speculate why she had such dreams and visions.
When
her first officer stepped in and took Seven as his mate, Janeway didn't handle
it well and the emotions that she locked up and refused to acknowledge were now
tormenting her. How could she have been so blind?
After
they were married, Seven moved into Chakotay's quarters which were right next
door. Janeway could have sworn the walls were paper-thin. She had jealous
nightmares over having to hear Chakotay's pleasure filled romps with his wife
during the long quiet nights. At first, she only heard him, but after a
month or so, Seven's cries were heard and eventually became loud enough to
disturb the Captain's fragile equilibrium. Seven did not know of propriety
and the vocalizations of her pleasure, although not loud, easily traveled
through the walls and to her delicate ears. Janeway completely tuned out
Chakotay's grunts.
He
obviously doesn't deserve her. Janeway
fumed in her jealousy.
It
drove the Captain nuts to have to deal with their making love next door to her
almost every night. Chakotay her dear friend for so many years was making
love to the woman the Captain loved more than anything, she realized. Loved
enough to give her up to him because of her rank and responsibility to her ship,
Starfleet and the Federation.
Looking back on those terrible years, was that price too
high? It seemed so.
How she
cursed that duty when Chakotay announced they were getting married. She was
happy for Seven, if it was what the young woman wanted. Janeway had
thought at the time, that Chakotay was an honorable man and that he would do
right by Seven despite the knife that was slowly being driven through her lonely
aching heart by their joining.
Janeway
was ashamed to admit it, but the only way for her to survive the nights would be
to participate in her own way. She had to or the jealousy would have consumed
her, despite the fact that it was her choice never to reveal her feelings to
Seven. Janeway had no way of knowing if Seven would have reciprocated
three years ago, because she did not ask. She had an inkling that the young
woman would have, but something prevented her from saying anything and she used
her Captaincy as the main excuse. She paid dearly for that mistake.
Having
to hear their sexual activity, Janeway knew she could alleviate her sexual
tension with a very simple and proven method. All she had to do was wait
for the beginning moans of Seven then fantasize that she was making love to the
young woman and vice versa. Janeway would follow suit motioning inside herself
until Seven came, the subdued cries of pleasure causing Janeway to explode out
in her own orgasm, always in tune with Seven's climax. It was at that brief
moment of release that she found some peace in her situation, until the waves
ebbed down and she realized the cold harsh reality. Her beloved was in the arms
of another. She would whisper 'I love you,' into the silent lonely
night and quiet tears would come to her weakened soul.
It got
her through the difficult times of having to hear the sexuality between them for
those first two years. The act, seemed satisfying for them, based on the
sounds they made, but never seemed over the top. Then, about a year ago,
she stopped hearing them. She almost missed not being able to hear Seven and
wondered what had happened, but Kathryn never said anything regarding their
personal problems or lack of intimacy unless Seven brought it up needing
clarification in a late night conversation. She found out a lot more than she
wanted to during those discussions. For the most part, Seven spoke to her
Captain rarely regarding her marriage, but frequently she did broach the topic
of intimacy.
It made
Janeway curious and nervous to talk about that subject with the younger woman,
but she hid her emotional distress. The Captain had to admit that she never
bothered to administer sexually to herself before she started hearing Seven next
door. She hadn't needed to back then, but just the sounds of Seven's ecstasy
could make Janeway come more often than not without any assistance.
Despite
her limited pleasure, Janeway wished she had had the courage to give the younger
woman a reason not to marry Chakotay. Perhaps she would have been the
lucky one with Seven in her bed if she had.
Seven
chimed for admittance to the Captain's quarters. It had been three days since
she had discussed her divorce with the Captain, but she was still
unsettled. She needed a philosophical discussion and Janeway was very
agreeable to them. Even with regards to questions or problems Seven had
with intimacy, Janeway would give her advice. Seven always wondered why
Janeway's voice got huskier and her eyes became slightly glazed over when they
talked about sex, but the blonde woman discarded it as a coincidence.
"I
guess I will remain alone, for the rest of my days." Seven stated with
forlornness as she stood in front of the Captain.
"You
don't know that Seven." Janeway replied keeping her tone even. She had
been lounging in her chair reading Dante's Inferno when Seven came in, but
Kathryn's concentration on her novel was difficult as her mind kept drifting to
Seven and Chakotay.
"No, I
will never understand what it is to be in love because I do not believe anyone
will ever truly love me." Her voice sounded defeated and she turned her face
away. "For who I am."
Stunned, her heart pounding loudly in her ears, Janeway
gave Seven an odd look of complete consternation. "Why would you say that,
Seven?!"
"It is
unimportant." She stated quietly with regret at bothering Janeway with her
insecurities. It would accomplish nothing.
"No,"
Janeway put her book down and went to Seven, taking her hand gently between both
of her own. "It isn't. Tell me… please."
Janeway
normally wouldn't have asked, but two things were currently bothering her. She
was still smoldering from what Chakotay had said. 'At least I tried to love
her!' the words had haunted her for the past two days. Her first officer had
no idea the hidden depth of emotional pain his words had brought out thus
opening the buried passion in Janeway's heart and lowering her already
precarious defenses.
She was
deeply affected directly by Seven's current plea. How can I let Seven go on
thinking she isn't loved!?
The
blonde looked down as she studied their hands intertwined. "The only person I
truly love is… incompatible, Kathryn." Seven warily brought her sad sparkling
gaze up to Janeway's face hoping she did not give away the strength of her
desire towards the older woman.
That
way she just looked at me… Janeway
glared dumbfounded at Seven. Could she be referring to me?! Suddenly, she
remembered the words Seven had spoken just a few days ago. 'If you were
male, I would have married you.'
Losing her normally strong hold on propriety,
Janeway's eyes met Seven's crystal blue eyes with a hunger Seven had never seen
before. It made the young woman flush hard, but she refused to look away,
as a strong longing for Kathryn overcame her.
She
IS referring to ME!! She had meant it… literally!!
Janeway
knew in that instant that Seven really had intense feelings for her. She
had suspected for some time, but did not want to believe in it due to her own
stubbornness.
"That's
not entirely true Seven. There are ways..." Janeway shook her head, noticing
Seven's confusion as to what she was talking about, but her eyes did not deviate
from Kathryn's.
"Kathryn?" Seven called out, questioning both Janeway's
choice of words and why she was staring so intently at her.
Hearing
her birth name brought Janeway back to the present, out of her libidinous trance
and back into the live gaze of the one she truly loved. Incompatible!?
Janeway recanted in her mind. Take a chance! Her mind screamed at
her. Her hormones were dangerously close to warp.
"Incompatible you say. Oh, no. I don't think so. Male or
female, we are… VERY compatible!" Her control vanished, her emotions came to the
forefront engulfing her with a volcanic intensity that she could not
deny.
Without
permission, Janeway threw her arms around Seven and leaned up to kiss a
wide-eyed Seven of Nine. Janeway pressed wantonly into the kiss, deepening the
contact as their lips touched for the first time. Janeway's mouth fastened over
the blonde's lips coaxing them open. When their wet tongues collided for the
first time, fire engulfed their bodies, nerve endings simmered and hearts were
overloaded with passion.
Seven
whimpered into Kathryn's mouth as Janeway groaned in response, both women
completely losing track of all conscious thought, time and location.
Somehow
they ended up on the Captain's double bed lip locked and feeling each other's
body generously regardless of their restrictive clothing, preparing to make
passionate love. Somehow their clothing came off between heavy kisses and
groping hands to casually rest on the carpeted floor. Somehow their bodies ended
up on top of one another with hands and mouths sliding luxuriously over heated
skin, the two participants baking in the need to complete their
coupling.
There
were trails of kisses down bare chests and soft cries of pleasure. There
were moans as hot tongues seared wetly over hardened nipples to suckle on them
avidly. Eventually, the soft, tender fleshy protrusions were completely covered
with the warm haven of a moist mouth.
The bed
moved to the motions of the occupants, creaking ever so lightly to their dance
of love. Janeway caressed the young woman's tongue as they undulated with hips
in rhythmus synch.
Seven
was basking in the beating of their hearts while she was moving inside her
lover. Janeway was lost in the jagged breathing of her beloved as she filled the
blonde's wet center. The sex was pure, fiery and passionate, but not rushed or
frantic.
They
were united as one. Melting hot kisses were exchanged during the entire process
of their sexual union. Only parting for seconds because of the need for
oxygen. They were high on each other, connecting in body and spirit. A
drug, called love, so intoxicating it brought them to incredible heights.
Mesmerized by the intensive joining of flesh and
feelings, both women gasped inside each other's mouths when the sensations
reached a fever pitch. Then it was upon them, their sexes' spasming and
clenching, the force shaking their bodies and breaking their lips apart. The
wave of pure pleasure built itself up, starting from their wet folds, rising up
through their abdomens tensing the muscles there, moving down their legs,
causing thighs to quiver in its wake, moving higher still, becoming fuller,
moving up along their heaving chests, expanding, until the wave spread out to
enclose their entire beings. Finally, it reached their brains and seared them in
its intensity as valleys were flooded with juices and a crescendo of currents
and rolling tides gushed over the two star-crossed lovers.
Seven
roared out her pleasure louder than Janeway had ever heard her before and
Kathryn was caught up in her own ecstasy wailing out her own
vocalizations.
An
euphoric eternity later, they laid together, completely drained of energy,
resting in the afterglow of their physical and emotional union, each wondering
what it meant for their future.
The
next morning Janeway was livid with herself for taking advantage of Seven while
in such a vulnerable state and subsequently sleeping with her. The divorce
proceedings weren't going to take place for another two weeks.
Good
god! I had an affair with the young woman! Seven is still married! All my morals
went out the airlock because of one night of uncontrollable lust and desire! How
could I have done such a thing?! How could I be so careless?!
Janeway
let her sin rule her heart instead of the joy and completeness she had felt
after being joined physically with the love of her life after so long.
Janeway
held nothing back during their shared moment of passion, she couldn't help but
show the younger woman how much she loved her and although Seven had more than
adequately reciprocated, Janeway refused to speculate too much into how strongly
Seven felt about her emotionally.
A peace
overcame Janeway after their coupling like no other. It was like coming
home, but she would not let herself be happy. She felt as if she were
letting the crew down, which was completely absurd because the crew were pairing
off finding acceptable mates themselves in light of the long journey ahead.
It was
not wrong for the Captain to take a mate. Many of the crew had verbalized
their approval. Seventy percent of the crew had found mates and there were
half a dozen children onboard already. They had expected her to
eventually, but years later she still had not. They contemplated why she
would not take a mate. They would not have judged her, not after ten isolated
years in the Delta Quadrant.
After
Voyager had been in the Delta Quadrant for over five years, unbeknownst to
Janeway, the crew had been taking bets on whom she would most likely pair up
with if she let herself do so. The percentages were steadily growing and
the crew chose Seven by 82% until Chakotay asked the blonde to marry him.
Many were surprised, even the cadets and crewmen on the lower decks.
Chakotay always seemed cold to her and indifferent for so many years. Why would
he marry her? Even after they had been dating for over five months, the
pool was still at 75% in Janeway's favor. Most thought that somehow Janeway
would still end up with the ex-Borg.
The
crew just figured it was a fling for the Commander. That he was just infatuated
by her beauty and physical appeal, which almost everyone agreed upon was a
strong allure. It wasn't supposed to last though and everyone assumed that
Seven would move on. It puzzled many as to why the Captain didn't make her
feelings known earlier to the young woman. It was so obvious what she felt
for the ex-drone, to everyone except Seven, yet the redhead made no
attempt.
Sometimes Janeway's strong will, which made her an
excellent Captain, also made her an unreasonably stubborn person in her personal
affairs.
So here
she was stoically reminding herself of her duty when she called Seven to her
quarters around mid-morning.
"Seven,
I can't have a relationship with you." Janeway revealed painfully blunt, her
back to Seven as the young woman systematically clutched her hands behind her
tightly.
"What?"
The former drone asked befuddled, not expecting this.
"I'm
sorry, last night never should have happened. I'm the Captain, you’re one
of my crew, under my command and technically you're still married. It's
wrong."
Seven's
chest heaved in anger over Janeway's casual attitude towards what was the best
evening of passion and love the ex-Borg ever had.
"Why
did you initiate intimacy with me then!?" Seven asked heatedly, fearing the cold
reality of loss overwhelm her for the first time.
"I…
"Janeway was momentarily confounded, realizing that she had instigated the act.
"You were a willing participant. You've could've stopped me! Why didn't
you stop me?" Janeway spat out blaming Seven because she did not want to declare
her undying love for the young woman. She would never be able to do this
then, as it was already incredibly difficult to begin with.
"ME?!"
Seven exclaimed breathily. "I couldn't. I wouldn't have… I am in love with you.
I… believe I have been for awhile, but I did not truly comprehend the emotion
until now… after being with you… " Seven stared at Janeway imploringly. "I
deemed it inappropriate to feel that way towards you, especially since I was
already married by the time I realized I had strong feelings for you not
Chakotay. Time passed and we spent less of our personal time with each other…
and you never said anything to me so I assumed you had no romantic feelings for
me… "
Janeway
refused to hear those words that curled around her heart making this so much
harder. She turned to look at Seven, ashamed, but determined. "You're still
married and I... I betrayed my best friend…"
"You
have betrayed no one!" Seven expressed sharply. "Yes, I am still married and
technically I was also unfaithful as I let you seduce me. However, I do not
regret either. A legal document cannot be expected to dictate what is in my
heart and it has been over for me and Chakotay for almost a year and in two
weeks, I will be free of that restriction as well." She took in a shaky
breath. "And… I wish to pursue a relationship with you."
Janeway
cringed inside. Oh, she was making this so difficult! "This
can't be Seven and you know it."
"Kathryn… " Seven tried, ignoring the finality in her
Captain's tone. "Please… Will you reconsider after my divorce?" Seven offered
calmly, still hoping.
"No… "
Came the succinct but weak reply.
"Why!?"
Seven shouted outraged by Janeway's behavior. "How could you tease me with
something so perfect… only to take it away! I finally find out what true love
can be, what true intimacy is between two people and you toss me away just like
he is doing!"
Janeway
expelled a tentative breath. "You know that's not true!" Janeway rebuked
strongly despite it being somewhat truthful. She had slept with the blonde and
was now leaving her high and dry.
"You
are just using your rank as Captain as an excuse!"
"No I
am not!"
"Then
you are afraid to love me because I am Borg? Or perhaps because I cannot have
children?!"
"No,
that would NEVER be a problem for me, but it's NOT appropriate for me to
fraternize with a member of my crew!" Janeway recanted the same lame
excuse.
"Yes, I
am aware of that non-existent Starfleet regulation." Seven mocked her in anger.
"Seven…
" Janeway warned.
"It is
your choice to make. You are in control here. You are always in control. I have
no say in the matter, but you know how I feel and that will NEVER change.
Certainly not now, because I am painfully aware that you have feelings for me.
Deny them if you wish… if you must, but I felt them yesterday."
"Don’t
do this… " Janeway beseeched her softly, her face contorted into a tortured look
full of woe.
"I have
handed you my heart Kathryn." Seven professed anguished as tears formed. "Now it
is up to you to decide what to do with it!"
"Please
stop… " Kathryn begged, placing a shaky hand over her eyes. She could not
look at Seven's tear filled face.
"If I
have to wait until we set foot on your planet earth before you will consider us…
or until you resign from Starfleet… then I WILL wait!" Seven meant her words,
she would wait if necessary despite how emotionally painful it would be. She
loved the auburn haired woman and her heart would not let her do anything
else.
The
blonde turned and stormed out of the Captain's quarters, with Janeway's chest
aching and heaving in an anguish she had never felt before.
"No…
"
The
Captain sobbed in utter desolation for the first time in her life.
Tossing
and turning in her bed, Janeway couldn't sleep and she had an awful night of
pure restlessness. All she could think about was Seven's biting
words. The young woman had no mercy with her choices of words in her
tenacity to get Janeway to reconsider and she went in for the kill in the
attempt.
It
worked. Janeway had cried that evening on and off throughout the night, but not
over her own pain as much as over Seven's pain. It was Seven's refusal to back
down and admit what must have been difficult for the normally cool and aloof
woman. That unrelenting attitude pierced the Captain's heart in such a way that
it couldn't refuse the love that was freely offered. Seven only wanted to be
loved and to love in return. She did not demand any other commitment,
although Janeway knew she would marry her, eventually. After Chakotay's divorce
died down a bit.
So
Janeway finally allowed herself to make a real choice for companionship for the
first time in ten years, since Voyager first got lost in the Delta
Quadrant.
She
chose Seven. An odd peace settled over her soul. She only hoped Seven would
forgive her so readily. She knew she had hurt the young woman deeply, but
the Captain was prepared to do what was necessary to correct her oversight and
give their love a chance. Even if it required some… groveling to
atone.
There
was a routine away mission scheduled for early that morning. Chakotay had
informed her that morning that Seven had volunteered for the mission.
Janeway had no reason not to let her go and Seven probably volunteered because
she tended to work harder the more emotionally upset she was. It was only a
routine dilithium extraction on a nearby M-class planet, so Janeway would simply
wait until afterwards to tell the young woman that she had a change of heart.
That she had made a terrible mistake and was truthfully very much in love with
the blonde.
The
auburn haired woman mentally prepared herself how to phrase the apology as she
prepared for duty. Finishing her ablutions, she got dressed and headed for the
Bridge.
It was
going to be a quiet routine day from her viewpoint. Voyager was already in orbit
and the away team was ready to go. Tuvok, Seven, Ensign Wildman and Ensign
Jenkins beamed down to the planet. Everything was going as planned until the
Bridge was hailed by Tuvok, his voice calmly urgent.
"We
require an emergency beam out directly to sickbay. Seven has been severely
injured."
Janeway
swore her own heart had stopped beating in her chest. Chakotay's face went pale
and he looked at the Captain. Was that concern in his eyes?
Regret?
He flew
towards the turbolift heading for sickbay, Janeway presumed.
"Understood Tuvok, Sickbay! Prepare for an incoming
casualty." Janeway spat out heading to sickbay in a hurry. "You have the Bridge
Mr. Kim!"
As she
entered sickbay, she noticed blood everywhere. On the floor, and on the
surgical biobed where Seven resided. As Janeway moved closer, her heart leapt
into her throat and she watched Chakotay hold Seven's charred and bleeding body.
The
Doctor looked up at the Captain, his face grave. He shook his head.
There was no mistaking what he meant.
"What
about the nanoprobes?"
"I'm
sorry… they've already shut down. There's just too much damage." He conveyed
solemnly closing his medical tricorder.
"I
refuse to accept that… "
"It's
beyond my ability Captain," He asserted quietly meeting her grief filled gaze
before heading for his office to give the two distraught officers some
space.
"No… "
She whispered to his retreating back.
She
turned to watch Chakotay as he held the dying Seven in his arms. He wept as he
pulled her closer, his head buried on her shoulder. Janeway silently regretted
it not being her, but she hadn't earned that right.
On
unsteady legs, Janeway came along side the biobed with tears of her own and
managed to grasp Seven's human hand snugly in her own. The young woman was
struggling with each breath. Janeway squeezed her hand and Seven's eyes
met hers. Both knew time was ebbing away from them.
Because
Chakotay was present, the Captain only mouthed the words. 'I love you.'
And put her other hand on top of the one that was already possessing Seven's
right hand snugly.
Janeway
saw a tear escape from her beloved's eye and Seven weakly squeezed Kathryn's
hand trying to convey how much she cared and loved the older woman as well.
Seven
did not fear dying and surprisingly she felt little pain as she gazed at a grief
stricken Janeway. Her only regret was the loss of not being able to love her
Captain in the future. She knew in her heart with perseverance and time that
someday she would have been given that honor. She did not believe that Kathryn,
the woman underneath the rank, could truly ignore her own feelings for the
entire journey to the Alpha Quadrant.
After
Seven rushed out of the Captain's quarters the previous day, she was determined
not to make it easy for the Captain to rebuke her. However, being hurt and
angry, Seven decided she needed a distraction and asked to go on the routine
away mission to give herself time to think. She wanted to clear her head so she
could devise a strategy to wear down the strong willed overly stubborn Captain
who refused to give into what she was clearly feeling. Love. Seven had
felt it and currently mourned, not dying but the loss of sharing that intimacy
and so much more.
Captain
Kathryn Janeway, she was the one who had shown Seven the final lesson in
humanity and because of it, Seven had understood the meaning of love and the
true allure of physical intimacy. She felt at peace with her humanity for the
first time in her life.
Seven
could feel the darkness surround her vision as she stared at the one who had
captured her heart. She wanted to say so many things. She wanted to thank
Janeway for everything, but mostly she wanted to say that she loved her and
would always love her, but the words would not come and she could not keep her
eyes open any longer. Finally the life left her body and she exhaled her last
breath.
"No… "
was all Janeway could manage feeling Seven's hand go limp in hers. Dear God
no! She somehow put a hand on Chakotay's shoulder. He may not have
been in love with her, but his tears were genuine. He obviously cared for her.
Either that or he felt guilty for stringing her along in a loveless marriage,
but now it didn’t matter.
He
still held Seven's lifeless body in his arms. Janeway looked on at them both
completely numb.
Please, I'm so sorry! I've been such a fool. Don't leave
me! Not now… I love you. I need you!.
Even as
she pleaded in her mind, she knew it was over. Janeway clutched at her chest
where her heart was shattering. Breathing became difficult in her turmoil.
No!
I've lost everything… everything… and my heart hurts so much. Why does it hurt
so much?! How will I recover from this?!
She
shook her head back and forth absently in despondency.
I
will never be the same… Never…
If
only I could die with her… She thought
as the tears came. Although, Janeway was physically healthy, her heart died an
emotional death that day.
Thirty three years later:
Admiral
Janeway stared out the window of her apartment in downtown San Francisco.
Her mind reflected on the most prideful and profound memories in her life.
The
time when she graduated from Starfleet academy to start a life in the sciences;
when she was commissioned the USS Voyager, her first Captaincy; and her most
cherished memory… the only time she had made love to a beautiful blonde woman
named Annika Hansen.
It was
the last memory that still caused a tear to occasionally fall from the strong
willed Admiral. Her will had gotten her through the last 33 years and somehow
through her personal grief, she managed to bring Voyager home.
There
had been other casualties along the way, besides her cherished Seven. Tuvok had
a degenerative neurological disease that worsened with time. She ended up losing
22 more crewmen before she finally managed to bring them home. That was
ten years ago, today.
Chakotay died during the final leg of the journey.
Voyager wasn't under attack. He simply died in his quarters while
asleep. The Doctor couldn’t find anything wrong with him, but Janeway knew
he died of guilt and regret, just like her heart had 23 years earlier with
Seven.
As she
gazed out at the San Francisco night, she allowed herself to remember the blonde
woman, knowing it would bring back a cascade of long repressed emotions. She
knew she should be able to just accept her feelings and move on after all this
time, but she couldn't.
She
even ordered The Doctor to rig a cryogenic lifepod so they could carry Seven's
precious body in stasis, until they reached home; earth.
Janeway
visited her grave whenever she felt she could bear it. After all these
years, how could it still be so difficult? Maybe because you loved her, you
fool?
She was
just a shell now and had been for so many years, but that would all change soon
if everything went according to plan.
Once
she had managed to steal the device from the back-stabbing Klingons and eluded
their grasp with Captain's Kim's assistance on the Rhode Island, Admiral Janeway
was on her way back through time.
As soon
as she made it through the other side, she hailed Voyager and demanded her
younger self to close the rift so the Klingons couldn't follow. After a little
hemming and hawing, Captain Janeway complied and the Admiral came onboard the
Intrepid class vessel.
After
an elaborate conversation, Janeway was still unconvinced that this person was
really an older version of herself so she had the Admiral checked out thoroughly
in sickbay. Once that was settled, the Admiral was ready to get the adaptations
started on Voyager, when the object of her dreams walked in elegantly carrying a
PADD.
Her
long lost lover of 33 years ago, younger here, barely thirty and in her prime,
looking as beautiful as ever. She still wore the biosuit in this timeframe, the
Admiral noted.
The
older Janeway couldn't help herself, her gaze focused squarely on Seven.
"Hello
Seven… " She breathed out emotionally, almost reaching out to the lovely blonde
woman before pulling back.
Seven
looked at her oddly, uncertain how she should act towards the older Janeway. She had the appearance of the woman Seven cared for immensely yet
she was so much older…
No,
this Janeway is a stranger. I do not know her.
This
made the young blonde uncomfortable and not meaning to be rude, Seven barely
acknowledged the Admiral with a nod before handing the PADD with her report to
her Captain.
The
Captain noticed the longing in the Admiral's gaze, but shrugged it off returning
her attention to Seven's update.
"The
technology of the Admiral's ship is impressive. Much of it appears to have been
designed to defend against the Borg." Seven informed her.
"Could
we install these systems on Voyager?" The Captain asked.
"The
stealth technology is incompatible, but I believe we can adapt the armor and
weapons." Seven explained.
She
turned to Seven, "Do it."
The
crew worked fast to install and update the weapons and armor with B'Elanna as
supervisor despite the discomfort with her pregnancy, but with her overlooking
the upgrades, they were ready in no time and venturing into the nebula for a
chance to go home.
However, they ran into a slight glitch that the kind
Admiral failed to mention. A Borg transwarp hub consisting of 47 Borg
vessels and dozens of apertures.
The
Admiral tried to order Lt. Paris to proceed into the aperture, but they were
loyal to their Captain and left the nebula on her orders. Captain Janeway
was livid with the Admiral for not telling her about the conduits and they had a
steamed argument about it.
Walking
along the corridor, Janeway confronted the admiral. "I want to know why you
didn't tell me about this!?" She fumed.
"Because I distinctly remember how stubborn and
self-righteous I was." Admiral Janeway commented curtly. "And I figured you
might try to do something stupid." She remarked casually.
The
Captain bristled. "We have an opportunity to deal a crippling blow to the Borg.
It could save billions of lives!"
"I
didn't spend the last ten years looking for a way to get this crew home earlier
just so you could throw it all away on some intergalactic goodwill
mission."
Janeway
stopped walking and faced her. "Maybe we should go back to sickbay," Janeway
offered sardonically.
"Why?
So you can have me sedated?"
"So I
can have the Doctor re-confirm your identity. I refuse to believe I'll become as
cynical as you." Captain Janeway spoke harshly.
The
Admiral took the insult in stride. She knew what was at stake. "Am I the only
one experiencing déjà vu here?"
"What
are you talking about?"
"Seven
years ago, you had a chance to use the Caretaker's Array to get Voyager home,
but instead, you destroyed it."
Janeway
was taken aback, because she had accepted the consequences of that decision and
would've done the same thing again if she had to, despite the losses and
hardships they had faced over the years. "I did what I knew was
right."
"You
chose to put the lives of strangers ahead of the lives of your crew," the
Admiral clarified sarcastically. "You can't make the same mistake
again."
What
kind of an argument was this? No
ship existed just to protect the lives of its crew. What about the greater
good of an entire quadrant?!
Her jaw
hardened. "You got Voyager home." The Captain stated arrogantly. "That means I
will too. If it takes a few more years, then that's--"
The
Admiral had one card left to play. "Seven of Nine is going to die…"
The
words hung in the air, permeating the Captain's hardened attitude. Her
face lost its color and sadness overwhelmed her.
"What?!"
"Three
years from now. She'll be injured on an away mission. She'll make it back to
Voyager, and die in the arms of her husband."
"Husband?" Janeway asked pale faced and
shocked.
"Chakotay."
"He'll
never be the same after Seven's death and neither will YOU!"
Stunned, Janeway contemplated the information presented
to her. No one crewman should be allowed to influence her decision if it
contradicts the greater good, but Seven and Chakotay… arguably her two favorite
friends, colleagues and so much more. It would hurt like hell to lose
them... To lose her. She didn't want to consider it.
"If I
know what's going to happen," She justified dolefully in a quiet voice. "I can
avoid it."
"Seven's not the only one," the Admiral informed her
firmly. "Between this day and the day I got Voyager home, I lost twenty-two crew
members. And then, of course, there's Tuvok."
"What
about him?" Janeway became concerned.
"You're
forgetting about the Temporal Prime Directive, Captain--."
"To
hell with it!"
"Fine.
Tuvok has a degenerative neurological condition that he hasn't told you
about."
Janeway
leaned against the wall, feeling like she had been sucker punched…
twice.
"There's a cure in the Alpha Quadrant," the senior
officer added. "Even if you alter Voyager's route, limit your contact with alien
species, you're going to lose people. But I'm offering you a chance to get them
all home safe and sound-- today! Are you really going to turn your back on
that!?"
The
Admiral had one other recourse to try to get Janeway to take Voyager into the
conduit. She visited Cargo Bay Two to have a chat with Seven of Nine.
She
also wanted to assess whether Seven had any feelings towards her counterpart at
this point in the ex-Borg's life.
Either
way, this was going to be hard. To see her again, so young, healthy and...
alive. She sighed at the discomfort, but she would not fail her again. She
would die before she would fail Seven a second time. I will simply tell her
about what happened leaving our brief but memorable romance out of the
picture.
"I
appreciate your candor, Admiral, but Captain Janeway is my commanding officer. I
won't disobey her."
"I not
asking you to. I simply want you to tell her that in your opinion, destroying
the hub is too risky, the cost too high--"
"I
cannot do that."
"Even
if it means avoiding the consequences I mentioned."
"Now
that I know about those circumstances, they are no longer a certainty. But even
if they were, my death would be a small price to pay for the destruction of the
transwarp network."
"I've
known you a long time Seven," the Admiral explained as she circled around
Seven's computer terminal. "longer than you've known yourself. You're thinking
that collapsing the network would be an opportunity to atone for the atrocities
you participated in while you were a drone."
Seven's
face tightened. The Admiral had hit a nerve.
"It's
time to let go of the past!" the Admiral pressured her. "And start thinking
about your future!"
"My
future," Seven assure thickly and forcefully. "…is insignificant compared to the
lives of the people we'd be saving."
"You're
being selfish!" the Admiral spat.
"Selfish, I'm talking about helping others--"
"Strangers. In a hypothetical scenario. I'm
talking about real life! Your colleagues… your friends… the people who LOVE
YOU! Imagine the impact your death would have on them!" She finished
saying with difficulty. The day of Seven's death still haunted the Admiral and
she willfully choked down the sentiment that was rising in her gut.
Seven
was feeling overwhelmed with emotions and did not feel comfortable with being
put on the spot. She had failed to obey her Captain in the past with
severe consequences for both of them. She could not do that this time. Seven was
feeling cornered and needed some space to breath. It was too much for her to
contemplate at the moment.
"Excuse
me," Seven offered the words bluntly, "I have work to do."
The
Admiral noticed the red eyes, the hidden emotionally turmoil, the look of
stubborn pride, of determination. Seven would never edificate herself to
the detriment of others. It was one of the many reasons the Admiral loved
her. She was proud of the young woman, the way the blonde turned out,
despite their disagreements, confrontations and the fact that Admiral Janeway
was in love with her.
The
Admiral vowed she would not remain on Voyager if Janeway attempted to destroy
the network and sacrifice the shortcut home. The Admiral would not live
through that loss again. It would hurt too much. She nodded and left Seven to
her work.
Admiral
Janeway was in Captain Janeway's Ready room having some coffee with her younger
self. It was the first time in a long while since she had touched the
beverage.
"I
thought you gave it up."
"I've
decided to revive a few of my old habits." The Admiral replied.
"Oh,
what else besides the coffee?" Janeway asked leaning back in her
seat.
"I used
to be much more idealistic." She admitted. "I took a lot of risks… "
The
Admiral took this time to apologize to the Captain about lying to her. It
was the younger Janeway's crew not the Admiral's. Being so determined to get her
crew home, the senior Janeway forgot how loyal they were to her back then.
"You
were only doing what you thought was right for all of us." Janeway concurred
softly, realizing she would've done the same in similar circumstances even if it
had been inappropriate. "But there has got to be a way to have our cake and eat
it too." Janeway speculated.
"We
can't destroy the hub and get Voyager home." The Admiral recanted her
earlier thoughts.
"Are
you absolutely sure about that?" Janeway asked eyeing her intently.
The
Admiral blinked, thinking of Seven. "There might be a way," she offered quietly.
"I considered it once, but it seemed too risky." She didn't elaborate that her
senior staff refused to let her go through with it. Seven had been the
most vocal opponent despite her aloofness towards the Admiral in this
timeline. The young woman cared deeply whether she was aware of what it
meant on a deeper level or not.
"That
was before you decided to revive your old habits." The Captain
smirked.
"I
don't know why I ever gave this up." The Admiral smiled back.
The
Admiral left Voyager in her small futuristic vessel and headed for the Borg
transwarp hub network. She would distract the Borg Queen while Voyager
escaped into the conduit that led to Earth. They fired transphasic torpedoes
behind them thus collapsing the conduit and causing a dangerous chain reaction
all along the hub.
Meanwhile, the Admiral was also infecting the Borg with
a pathological virus, thus sealing her own fate with them, as she destroyed them
from within.
The
Borg network had imploded. They had done it. They delivered a severe blow
to the Borg collective. Yet, they were still struggling to stay ahead of the
destruction as the conduit collapsed all around them. It was a battle to stay
inside it and after being fired upon from behind, they realized they were also
being chased. A Borg scout ship was on their tail, but with ingenuity they had
hid inside it and blasted the Borg monstrosity into oblivion with a transphasic
torpedo as Voyager flew out of the wreckage and into the Alpha Quadrant.
Voyager
had succeeded. They had made it home. Janeway responded to a hail
and greeted Admiral Paris quickly telling him she would make a full report on
what happened then only moments after the channel was closed, the EMH and the
cry of a baby's voice could be heard through the Comm channel.
"You
better get down there Tom," Janeway smiled widely at him.
He
smiled back, "Yes, ma'am." He breathed out dashing for the turbolift.
"Mr.
Chakotay," she spoke lightly. "Take the helm."
"Aye
Captain," Chakotay responded.
Janeway
saw the glance Seven gave her first officer before he took the helm. It
was an emotionally charged look and it unsettled the Captain.
She sat
in her command chair settling in and silently thanked the Admiral for her
sacrifice wondering what was the catalyst that made the older woman sacrifice
herself for all of them. She wasn't sure she herself deserved it, but her
crew did.
"Course
Captain?"
"Set a
course for home…."
Voyager
remained in orbit as Janeway and her crew started the many preparations that
needed to get done before disembarking to the surface.
She
knew she would be having many future meetings with a variety of Admirals' in the
following days and she wasn't really looking forward to that, but it was a small
price to pay for being home.
She was
about to lie down on the bed to rest for awhile and contemplate her good fortune
when she saw a PADD lying on her nightstand that she didn’t remember putting
there.
She
picked it up. It was a memo to her. Who was it from?
Oh,
my god! It was from Admiral
Janeway. Should she read it? Wouldn't the information be against the temporal
prime directive? As if adding future armor and weapons
wasn't!?
The
Captain's curiosity always got the better of her.
Memo To Captain Janeway,
I had
considered that you might not read this, but I hoped you would. I assume you're
at the same stage I was at around Stardate 54973.4. I have to consider
that, because you're not as desperate as I was… not yet.
You
might resent my telling you this, as your life is going to very different from
mine. I certainly hope it is more fulfilling. The thought that one
of us will have our dream come true, if you have the courage to realize what you
want, is encouraging after the bare existence I led.
I know
you're disappointed in who I became and frankly I'd agree you, if I was you, but
I'm not. I'm me, and I lived through more battles than you and most notably more
loss and pain. You didn't live the life I did after we passed the Borg
hub.
I
suggest you don't screw up your future by denying what you truly feel. Don't
make the same mistake I did by waiting too long, by using your command as an
excuse. Your feelings will grow and it will be difficult for you, no matter how
many excuses you give yourself. You're no longer the Captain of Voyager so
you're free to decide your future. You don't have the restrictions I had.
Whether you take a another ship, a desk job or retire. You have the opportunity
to take a mate. Maybe even marry the one you know you love.
Consider the possibilities.
On
Stardate 57956.2, my heart died and I became an empty husk of a human, a
soulless being, if you will, and I was never the same.
You saw
what I became, cynical and arrogant. I'm not proud of everything I did. I broke
numerous Starfleet regulations; including, but not exclusive to the Prime
Directive and the Temporal Prime Directive. I also committed adultery after ten
years of self-imposed isolation. The list goes on, but I believe I have made my
point.
You
probably think you don't have the ability to do what I did, but you'd be
surprised what years of denial do to even a strong willed individual. Be careful
of holding it in, I was intensely jealous and I coveted what another had for a
long time. I know, I should feel guilty, but I don't. I cherished that
night. That memory kept me alive and relatively sane.
You're
my redemption and if you don't take it, well at least I don't have to
live with your decision. I gave you the chance, now it's up to you.
Remember what I said before, 'You'll never be the
same.'
It's
your choice. There are no right or wrong choices, only choices that have
repercussions. Even if you choose not to interfere, at least she'll be alive in
your time frame for many years to come. That should give you some comfort
in your lonesome misery.
Just so
you know, I changed time for her… because I was in love her. Completely.
Admiral Janeway
That
explained the main reason for the Admiral's tenacity and sacrifice. She had been
in love with Seven of Nine in her reality and lost her to Chakotay then
ultimately to death.
For the
past six months, Janeway had noticed a closer more intense feeling in regards to
Seven than she cared to admit. She had squashed it down whenever it surfaced,
but now with all that happened, she was forced to concede to a deeper
attraction.
Janeway
wasn't even sure how she truly felt about Seven and having the truth forced upon
her by the Admiral didn't make it any easier.
Am I
in love or is it just infatuation? She is rather beautiful and physically
gorgeous compared to anyone else I can think of.
It was
only mid-afternoon, but Janeway felt the need to see Seven as she left her
quarters and headed for Cargo Bay Two.
She
felt the need to talk with her, even though, she knew in her heart she would not
say anything now because it wasn't right to blatantly interfere. She had
to be more subtle about it and let the young woman make up her own mind, even if
she did lose her.
Janeway
admitted to herself that she didn't truly appreciate the Admiral's pain and loss
in that timeframe. She also knew she had to do it her way and not rush into
anything. Otherwise, she could make things worse and ruin two friendships that
were important to her.
Reaching her destination, the Captain entered the Cargo
bay.
"Hello
Seven," Janeway found her at the terminal as usual.
"Captain," Seven greeted.
"So
what do think about all this?" Janeway leaned on the console Seven was working
at. "About getting home."
"It is
unsettling, yet I am happy for the crew."
"What
are your plans?"
There
was doubt in her crystal eyes as she spoke. "I have not made any
yet."
"Oh, I
guessed you would go live with your aunt… I'm sure she'd love to have
you."
"Perhaps," Seven allowed, but she had yet to discuss her
plans with Chakotay. What would he want? Would we get a place together?
Am I ready for that? What would the Captain think about our relationship? Would
she approve? What would I do, if she did not?!
Her
friendship with the redhead as well as what the Captain thought of her, was very
important to the blonde. Emotionally, she was confused over her hesitation, but
allowed herself a certain bit of confusion because she was so new to emotions
period. Based on that, Seven wasn't ready to tell the Captain about her new
relationship.
"Well,
whatever you decide. My door is always open, if you need a temporary place to
stay. I have an apartment in San Francisco, but I'm going to see my mother
in Bloomington, Indiana first." She paused, her brow furrowed slightly then she
grinned. "And I distinctly remember promising to show it to you sometime.
I wouldn't want to renege on my promises. So, whenever you're ready let me
know. I'm sure my mother wouldn't mind." Janeway smiled widely and
put her hand over Seven's hand gently before turning to leave the Cargo
bay.
Seven
was bombarded with a multitude of emotions.
Her
hand tingled where Janeway touched it and she was surprisingly touched by the
Captain's thoughtfulness. The offer was genuine. The Captain had offered her
home to her if she needed it. She offered her mother's home as well to visit.
She was considered family and Seven was warmed by it. So why did she feel so
oddly flustered by it as well?
"Thank
you, Captain." Seven responded. "That was thoughtful."
"Your
welcome." Janeway responded affectionately. "Any time you want to talk Seven.
I'm just a hail away."
Seven
stared at the Captain's retreating form.
Now
I wait, Janeway thought walking
away.
Two
days later, Janeway lowered the hover car onto the gravel driveway and powered
down the aircraft vehicle before getting out. After two rigorous days of
debriefing, she was glad to be away from Starfleet and landing at her mother's
home even if it was only for the weekend. It was a short respite before she had
to go back for more, but she was grateful for the break.
As she
opened the hatch, she stopped for a second to smell the air. The wind carried
the scent of corn and wheat to her nostrils. The flow of fresh crisp clean
air swam about her senses telling her she was home, unlike the sterile recycled
air of Voyager. Not that she minded Voyager, it had been her home for seven
years and kept her alive and healthy. It was being stuck on a starship for
so long in unfamiliar territory that gave her an appreciation for earth that she
had lacked before.
It
has been so long.
She
stepped down feeling the unevenness of the cobblestones beneath her Starfleet
boots. She brought her hand up to her face to guard her eyes against the
brightness of the sun that was high in the sky as she looked out over the field
into the distance. She spotted the barn and it brought old memories to the
surface of her playing there. The faded and chipped color denoted a severe
lack of maintenance and it looked like it needed a paint job badly.
Just
then she heard the noise of a screen door creak open and lightly close shut.
Turning she saw her mother come outside.
"Kathryn!"
"Mother," she whispered. The Captain had seen her before
when they had originally disembarked from Voyager, but it was only for a few
brief minutes before she was whisked away by Starfleet Admirals. Duty
prevailed then, but now, she was just Kathryn, Gretchen Janeway's daughter.
Her
mother had a flour caked apron on as she trotted swiftly down the steps and onto
the gravel to give her daughter a long awaited hug. "Oh, I've missed you
so!"
"I know
mother," Kathryn sighed relaxing in her mother's embrace and patting her on the
back.
"Well,
well, well!" Someone else called out from the porch door.
"Phoebe!" Gretchen shouted. "Come and greet your
sister."
Phoebe
did so, avidly hugging her sister warmly before they all went inside to enjoy
the emotional reunion and to catch up on the last seven years of Kathryn's
life.
"You
look a little thin, Kathryn." Gretchen remarked, while checking her pots on the
stove in the kitchen. "Were you eating properly while on that
starship?"
Janeway
followed her mother into the kitchen. "I didn't always have the opportunity. I
was rather busy."
Phoebe
giggled, taking a chair at the kitchen table. "What's the matter sis, being
Captain doesn't afford you special privileges?"
Janeway
glowered at her younger sister. Phoebe never did like Starfleet and never missed
an opportunity to make it known. However, the elder Janeway knew how to diffuse
her hot tempered little sister too.
"Not
when you're stranded 70,000 light years from home in a hostile area of space,
I'm afraid. I should be grateful we didn't starve to death." Janeway elaborated
with a serious face.
The
statement wiped the smirk off Phoebe's shocked face. "I… didn’t mean it that
way."
"It's
ok," Janeway suddenly grinned putting a hand on her shoulder, "I've missed you
too."
Phoebe
grinned widely relieved that she hadn't insulted her sister too much. She
marveled at how easily her sister accepted her often-derisive statements
regarding Starfleet. As hard headed as her older sister was, she was
considerably opened minded and it took a lot to insult her to the point where
she would retaliate.
"So
what's for dinner?" Janeway asked looking forward to a good home cooked
meal.
"Corn
on the cob, potatoes, roast beef and fresh biscuits." Her mother offered. "Is
there anything else you wanted?"
Janeway
looked mischievously at her mother's back thinking about it. "You wouldn't have
any homemade coffee, would you?"
Gretchen smiled knowingly.
"So
what do you think?" Chakotay waved his hand and smiling as he showed Seven his
temporary apartment at Starfleet headquarters. They had been transporting back
and forth from Voyager for a couple of days until Starfleet decided a closer
residence would be more appropriate.
"It is
sufficient," Seven remarked, not impressed. It appeared more sterile than
Voyager and had only bland, colors throughout. Chakotay had just finished giving
her the grand tour and they were now in the living room.
Upon
entering the apartment, there was a short hallway that led to the living room.
The staccato walls were bone white with light cream colored sofas and couches
lining against the walls. There were stainless steel tables next to them and
simple paintings hanging sporadically along the main room.
To the
right, before entering the living area was the kitchen entrance blocked by a
wrap around wall. Going passed the living area, on the left was a set of stairs
that lead to the next level. To the right was a full bathroom and straight ahead
a glass door that led to an outside porch. Upstairs was the bedroom, another
small room with two terminals and another bathroom.
Chakotay knew she wasn't pleased with the arrangements,
but they had no choice. Starfleet decided that they wanted the maquis, the EMH,
Seven and Icheb close by until the de-briefings were finished. A process that
was supposed to take two weeks.
"What
is the purpose to these debriefings, since Voyager's datalogs contain all the
information they require?" Seven asked as she sat on a sofa.
He
looked at her tentatively, meditating over his response for awhile. "Well, it's
probably just a formality, as I was in the maquis so they're probably are
considering whether they can trust me or not."
"And I
was Borg." Seven stated passively. "We both have committed crimes against the
Federation."
"Yes,"
Chakotay pondered that. "but I'm sure its all a technicality. After all you're
no longer Borg, no longer part of the collective. You've been human now for over
four years and a vital part of Voyager's crew. We couldn't have made it home
without you." Chakotay admitted.
Seven's
features softened at the compliment and she gave him a small smile.
"Besides, I don't think Kathryn would let them try
anything." He became thoughtful. "Kathryn keeps telling me not to worry that
it's just political, and although I'm not as Starfleet minded as she is... " He
said not unkindly. "I'm still going to hope for the best."
Seven
perked up, "Kathryn?"
"Janeway," Chakotay smirked. "I've always called her
Kathryn even on Voyager during our personal time, but I accidentally called her
Captain the other day and she adamantly told me to call her Kathryn since she
was no longer my Captain."
Seven
had spent a considerable amount of personal time with Captain Janeway and the
older woman never offered to Seven to call her Kathryn. The ex-Borg wondered why
she felt oddly disconcerted by that supposedly minor detail.
"When
did you speak with her?" Seven asked since she had not spoken with her mentor in
days.
"Actually, I've spoke with her every day since this all
began four days ago."
"I have
not spoken with the Captain since we left Voyager." Seven felt oddly left
out.
"She
asked how you were doing." He made his way to the kitchen through the open
doorway and out of Seven's line of sight.
"She
did?" Seven called out.
"Yes, I
told her you were doing well." He said from the kitchen. "Can I get you anything
to drink?"
"Water
would be sufficient." She answered. After hours of having to explain her actions
to Starfleet officials about her time on Voyager, her throat was parched. Much
to her dismay, they were only up to asking her details from her first few months
there. At the rate it was going it would takes weeks, maybe even a month for
them to finish their questioning.
Seven
was annoyed by that possibility although she couldn't explain why, since she had
no place to be or duty to perform. She was in a sense restless because she
was bored. Oddly enough when she was bored which was often, she thought of the
Captain and how she was doing or what she was doing, but Seven only knew she was
visiting her mother's ranch in Bloomington, Indiana when she wasn't in
debriefing.
Chakotay came out of the kitchen at last and handed her
a glass of water. "Would you like something to eat?"
"No, I
am… not hungry at this time." Seven said awkwardly. She felt it necessary to try
and speak in a way that would not garner more attention to the fact that she was
Borg, but it was difficult having to be so conscientious of it. It was so
much easier when she was on Voyager and she could be herself. She never
had this problem around the Captain.
Although, she was not hungry, Seven had a sudden
inspiration. "I do not require food, however, I could benefit from vacating
these premises."
"You
mean leave the base here at Starfleet? Is it getting to you already?" he asked,
taking a seat next to her, their thighs touching lightly.
"I know
it has only been four days, but I feel stifled." She shifted her eyes away
showing some of her uneasiness.
"Ok,"
he put a hand on her thigh. "What would you like to do?"
"I was
hoping you could show me some of the sights of San Francisco."
He
smiled widely, "Of course," leaning in for a light kiss on her full lips, which
she complied to readily.
It
wasn't that his kisses were unpleasant. It was just that Seven did not feel what
she thought she should from them. She had based her research on the
databanks from Voyager and to her knowledge kissing and copulation were supposed
to be pleasant. She was at a loss as how to explain her current lack of an
emotional reaction to it.
"I
could rent a transport shuttle and show you the sights from the air."
"That
would be acceptable."
Come
Monday morning, Captain Kathryn Janeway sat at attention across from Admirals'
Paris, Strickler, Ross and Necheyev. The four Admirals had the power to decide
her fate and everyone else's onboard Voyager. The only good thing was that
the vote had to be unanimous.
They
were separated by a metallic desk that had been polished to a shine. This
debriefing room was cold. The walls were a bone white, the carpet dull grey and
the atmosphere somewhat antagonistic in her opinion.
The
questions were becoming intensely scrutinizing regarding some of her more
questionable command decisions. Janeway would have been lying to herself if she
thought she wouldn't be reprimanded for some of her past decisions. She
knew full well Starfleet could not let some of them slide. She only hoped
a reprimand would be her largest punishment and not a court-martial or worse…
imprisonment.
"On
Stardate, 50984.3, you willingly made an alliance with the Borg." Admiral Ross
stated disdainfully. He was in charge of military operations within Starfleet
and any alliance with other races without his knowledge bothered him. "Would you
care to explain your reasoning for this?"
"As I
stated in my logs, it would have taken us decades to cross Borg space. By
initiating a temporary alliance, we were hoping to negotiate for safe
passage."
"Did it
ever occur to you that there could be a significant shift in power by assisting
the Borg to defeat this… " Ross had to look at his PADD for the proper
information. "species 8472? This was an opportunity to defeat the Borg and
instead you assisted them against the one species capable of eradicating
them."
"In my
estimation," Janeway stated stiffly. "species 8472 was more dangerous to the
entire galaxy than even the Borg. They have the ability to create a
rift between their realm and ours. I don’t know if they are limited by time and
distance like we are. It could be theoretically possible for them to open
a rift a few light years from earth." Janeway tilted her head considering. "And
if you've read all of my logs you would know we ran into species 8472 a year
later while they were in the middle of attempting the recreation of an elaborate
infiltration scenario with the target being Earth."
Necheyev waved her hand. "Yes, we're aware of that and
we know that you came to a tenacious understanding with them." She paused. "But
tell me this Captain, after your combined victory why did you keep a Borg drone
on board a Federation vessel?"
Janeway
narrowed her eyes. "Her human cells were already starting to assert themselves.
She wouldn't have survived without medical attention and I don’t believe the
Borg would have come for a single drone."
"You
should have deposited the drone on a nearby planet with a transceiver like it
asked for. A single drone's life is insignificant to the safety of your
crew. Did you consider the dangers of having a drone onboard?" Necheyev
persisted.
Janeway's face-hardened, her voice raw. "Yes, we took
the necessary precautions--"
"And
that explains how the drone managed to send a partial subspace signal to the
Borg while under these tight security precautions?"
"We
stopped her before any real damage could be done." Janeway corrected.
"Correction. You mean the Ocampa named Kes stopped her,
who as luck would have it, was evolving into a higher lifeform with exceptional
control over energy and matter. If not for her sudden superior abilities,
do you think you would have stopped this Borg from calling reinforcements?"
Necheyev challenged.
"Yes, I
believe we would have." Janeway replied tersely. "but I think you're forgetting
something very important," she added. "Seven of Nine was a human being who was
assimilated through no fault of her own at a very young age. Since, she was
stuck on our ship with no other hope of survival, I decided to keep her onboard
Voyager and give her a chance to regain what she had lost."
"Yes
and what about my standing order, 'To seek out opportunities to destroy the
Borg collective evasively.' Apparently by your own logs, you've had almost a
dozen opportunities and yet failed to finish them off when you had the chance
especially with Unimatrix Zero."
"I
tried to liberate thousands of species from the Borg collective. It was an
opportunity to deal the Borg a crippling blow by dividing them. I do not
consider that a failure!" Janeway rebuked.
"And if
I may state for the record." Janeway continued. "I wouldn't be standing here
today if not for Annika Hansen. She has saved Voyager single handedly almost as
many times as I have."
"I have
no more questions for today," the blonde Admiral glanced at Paris.
"All
right," Admiral Paris did not appreciate Necheyev's treatment of Janeway. "On to
the next set of questions."
It
was going to be a long day, Janeway
thought.
As
evening came on the fifth day of debriefings, Seven convinced Chakotay to take
her to Minnesota where her aunt Irene resided.
Starfleet was not happy the last time they had left
headquarters without an escort. The brass at Starfleet gave them a hard time
because they did not want them leaving the premises, but Chakotay managed to get
them to agree if he took along a small security detail.
After
landing the hovercar in a paved driveway, Seven stepped out with Chakotay and
the two escorts.
"You
will wait here," Seven conveyed seriously to the two young men. She was not
amused in the slightest by their presence.
Chakotay thought Seven should visit with her aunt alone,
since it was the first opportunity she had, so he decided to wait
outside.
"Chakotay, will you accompany me inside?"
"Uh no,
why don't you go ahead. I think the time alone would be good for you two.
It will give you some time to catch up."
Seven
studied him before acquiescing. "Very well." She replied and headed up to the
door to ring the doorbell.
The
door opened many seconds later to reveal an elderly lady perhaps in her mid
sixties. "Yes?"
"Irene
Hansen?"
The
older woman opened the door wider to get a look at the young stranger. "Annika?"
she called out.
"Yes, I
spoke with you a few months back via subspace."
"I
remember," she said her eyes growing soft. "Come on in!" She opened the door to
let the young woman enter.
"Excuse
the mess, the grand children were over yesterday." Irene apologized for the mess
but Seven did not consider it disorganized. There were a few items that
Seven thought to be toys scattered on the floor of the living room, but
everything else looked in order. The sofas and couches were methodically
placed with a wooden table centered between them. There were two shiny oak table
stands at the ends of each sofa and an old fashioned light fixture on
top.
It had
a very domestic feel to it, which Seven did not expect. She did not expect to
feel any emotional residue, but now that she was here, it occurred to her that
her parents probably visited here often.
"I have
two grown children, Andrew and Alexandra who like to bring the grandchildren
over now and then. It's nice to see the young ones."
The
statement brought Seven out of her reverie. "I did not realize you had
offspring."
Irene
giggled at Seven's formality. "Yes, I was married for twenty five years before
my husband died. My name isn't Hansen anymore."
"I did
not realize. I apologize for the inaccuracy."
Irene
waved her hand, "Oh that's nothing. I wouldn't expect you to know. You just
returned from out there." She gestured to the sky.
"Yes,"
Seven responded reflectively.
"Can I
get you something to drink or a snack perhaps?"
"No, I
am… fine."
"Are
you sure, you wouldn't like any strawberries. I have some ripe ones in the
refrigerator."
Seven
managed a small quirky smile. Her aunt remembered that she liked strawberries as
a child. "Perhaps later," Seven was amused.
"You
don't mind if I clean up a bit while we chat?" Aunt Irene reached for a
toy.
"No,
not at all." Seven replied while considering proper manners for this type of
occasion. "Do you… require assistance?"
"No, I
know where everything goes. It's just a matter of putting the toys where they
belong." She reached down to pick up some more. "So what brings you here
Annika?"
"I… was
unaware of having any other living relatives." Seven disclosed dispirited by
that fact. "And I wished to meet with you."
"Well
you do now," Irene affirmed merrily. "I'm sure they would love to meet you. My
son and daughter are around your age I think."
Seven
raised a brow.
Irene
marveled at how much Seven resembled her mother. The young woman was even more
beautiful if that was possible, but the thought brought back the tragic memories
as well. Irene's features took on a somber shadow. She looked at Seven
compassionately. "I'm sorry about what happened. I tried to talk him out of
taking you with them, but you can't blame parents for wanting to be with their
child."
Seven's
countenance became stern instantly knowing what Irene was referring to. "No, I
do not. However, it was unwise to take a child with them to go on an expedition
that could only end up in failure."
Irene
contemplated her niece's words. "I see you still harbor some resentment towards
Magnus and Erin." She stated delicately.
"Their
decision affected my life. I lost my parents and 18