is an Uber story. The main characters and story are the product of
the authors imagination.
Sexual content and profanity.
A big nod to Wolfie, who was
the total inspiration for this story and the ideas woman.
To Jay for her continued
encouragement and to Jan, for tidying up at the end. Thanks you
Special thanks to Gun, for hosting
If you enjoy the story please let
don’t, you can reach Wolfie here:
The following story may not be suitable for Vegetarians.
- 6 -
Elish Maloney pulled her dark blue Ford Mondeo into the first
available parking space. Reaching over to the passenger seat she
grabbed the handle of her brown leather briefcase and pulled it
towards her as she exited her car. One day she mused to herself, she
knew the well worn handle would snap, its days were clearly numbered,
but she was loath to give up on it, it had served her well. Unlike
her car she thought dismally. She slammed the door shut on the
four-year-old model; lamenting the day she had chosen it. Thank God
her brother was a mechanic! Next time she went car hunting, she
would take him along. She knew he would agree, as it would save them
both a lot of potential grief later.
Foregoing her jacket, due to the continuation of some of the best
sunshine Ireland had seen in years, Elish wanted to make the most of
every ray she could catch. She glanced around the car park while
making her way towards the community centre, there parked just a few
spaces away was the car of her dreams. The silver Mercedes
convertible had been making an almost daily appearance in the car
park for the last two months. She easily recalled the first time she
set eyes on it. Having parked right next to it she instantly wanted
to get back in her car and move it to another space. Brenda, her
chain-smoking secretary was outside grabbing her first cigarette of
what was sure to be many that day.
“Nice car.” Elish said aloud.
“Belongs to a gorgeous blonde,” Brenda replied lazily.
Brenda shrugged feigning nonchalance. It would be less than cool for
her to be seen drooling over a car, a guy, sure, but not a vehicle.
Elish took a closer look at her laidback secretary. Her hair was
dyed with a combination of red over black, a pierced tongue
completing the look. Predominantly black clothing was a recurring
theme, her makeup just the right side of presentable, not too much
black around the eyes and the lips were still holding a hint of red,
but they were veering a bit towards blue. Elish made a mental note
to keep an eye on the lips. The discussion about Brenda’s appearance
had been an amicable one, where they reached an agreement on the
shading, but Brenda did tend to add a little extra over the course
“Who is this blonde?” Elish enquired.
Brenda had just taken a long drag on her cigarette; she exhaled the
smoke while shaking her head. “I have no idea. I saw her get out of
the car about half an hour ago. First time I’ve seen her.”
Since that morning two months ago, Elish had not once seen the
blonde owner of the beautiful car. At first she assumed that the
blonde had started working at the drug rehab centre next door as a
Psychiatrist or counsellor. Her friend Naomi had shot down that idea
during one of their frequent flirting sessions. It was a harmless
hobby, which they both found mutually satisfying. Elish being a
lesbian looking for another lesbian and Naomi being a happily
married straight woman, it had become a joke between them that had
been born out of a drunken staff night out when they confessed their
mutual appreciation of the others looks. They were both very
striking in their own way, El, with her dark hair and blue eyes,
standing almost six feet tall. Naomi with her ebony skin and brown
almond shaped eyes not much shorter. They had been quickly dubbed
the supermodels when Naomi started the job managing the drug rehab
centre, well with the names El and Naomi it was only a matter of
The only information that El had managed to get in two months was
from Molly, one of the community workers, who told Elish that she
had seen the blonde go into the butchers a few times. Now El knew
she was a gorgeous blonde with a beautiful car, who was probably not
a vegetarian. Why Elish was so interested in this mystery woman was
a mystery in itself. She consoled herself with the knowledge that
she wasn’t the only one curious. Even laidback Brenda and supermodel
Naomi would mention the mystery blonde. She didn’t even want to
think about what the guys had been saying.
Elish sat at her desk and removed the folders she had been working
on the night before from the trusty battered briefcase. Putting on a
pair of reading glasses she booted up her computer and immersed
herself in her work. The continual challenge of offering quality
services to the local community while working within the constraints
of a tight budget was one that El relished with a passion. She had
become very adept at securing additional resources through donations
and grants by virtue of good marketing and presentation. Seeing her
labours bear fruit as direct benefits for the community offered its
own reward for El. It kept her striving for more.
A knock at the door interrupted El’s cycle of typing and phone calls.
She raised her head and removed her glasses.
“Come in Molly, what can I do for you?” El took the opportunity to
stretch her stiff back. Molly had been working at the centre for
years, long before El started her current post. Despite wearing the
hats of wife, mother, grandmother and fulltime community worker,
Molly seemed to find the time and energy for everyone she met. It
was a skill Elish both envied and admired.
“Are you all set for Saturday?” Molly enquired, offering El a
Oh God, El groaned internally, she had almost forgotten about the
barbeque. It wouldn’t be so bad, but she was hosting it at her house
this year. The annual summer barbeque had become almost legendary
since its inception by El nearly five years ago. All the staff from
the community and the rehab centre was invited along with their
partners. They saved for the first six months of the year just for
this one event.
El plastered a smile to her face and tried to sound convincing.
Molly, never one to be fooled easily smiled and sat down in the
chair next to El’s. “That’s a pity, cause I was going to offer to
El let out a sigh of relief, “Would you?” She said hopefully, her
face clearly showing her gratitude.
“Here’s the list of what we need, all you have to do is get it and
keep the receipts.”
“Molly, you are a lifesaver! Thank-you.”
Molly watched as El settled back down to work, putting her glasses
back on. “Just one more thing El.”
“If you don’t get to the Butchers and the off licence soon, come
Saturday they won’t have what you need.” Molly grinned as she
watched El grab her bag and make her way out the door.
“Be back in a little while!” She called as she exited the door in a
After a quick trip to the off licence El found herself standing in a
short queue in the Butchers shop. She popped in here a couple of
times a week but never at this time of day. She idly wondered if she
would see the mysterious blonde this time.
“Morning El, what can I get ye?”
“Hi Johnnie, I have a list for our summer barbeque, I’ll pick
everything up on Saturday morning?” she explained while handing
Johnnie the list Molly had given her.
“No problem El. I’ll have it all ready by ten. Is there anything
else I can get you?’
El, was now the only customer in the shop and that was probably the
only reason she could think of that would explain what she said next.
“Actually Johnnie, there is. Where is the gorgeous blonde that
drives the sports car?” El rocked back on the balls of her feet arms
crossed as she waited for the expected gossip from Johnnie. He was a
friend of two of El’s six brothers and had been coming round the
Maloney household for years. When Johnnie just stood there with his
mouth open El wondered if he had some sort of affliction. The man
was never short for words.
“Eh…she’s right behind you.” Johnnie looked rather stunned.
El turned round and sure enough, there standing right behind her was
indeed a gorgeous blonde. A not very tall blonde, with lovely full
lips and a cute little nose, whose green eyes stared passively at
Elish. Oh. My. God. Kill me. Kill me now!
El was completely mortified. She had opened her big mouth at the
worst possible moment.
“I am soooo sorry.” El hoped her apology would suffice, but the
option of running away was looking more and more enticing.
The blonde said nothing; she just continued to stare intently at El,
with her arms folded across her chest.
“Can we start again?” El pleaded.
“Sure,” was the simple reply she received. El wasn’t certain if the
blonde was offended or angry with her. She could read nothing in the
intense look she was receiving beyond a quiet patience.
“Hi! I’m Elish Maloney.” El offered her hand for the blonde to
shake, along with a pained smile.
“Pleased to meet you Elish, I’m Aisling Keenan.” Aisling took El’s
hand and grasped it in her own warm appendage.
El smiled with relief. It appeared that she hadn’t overly offend
Aisling, despite her less than candid question to Johnnie. She took
a moment to let her eyes wander over the blonde. Beyond her face
there really wasn’t much to see as a white coat that had some
suspicious Looking pink bits on it covered the rest of her.
“So…you work here?” El asked tentatively.
Aisling nodded, “yep, I make the sausages.”
Aisling smiled at Elish’ disbelief. She held her arms open to
indicate her attire. “I sure do.”
Elish was living a version of her own personal hell. Here she was
standing right in front of a beautiful woman who was giving her
every opportunity to chat and she could not come up with anything
that would impress the green eyed beauty. Yep, those are beautiful
“So, interesting line of work you have.” El heard Johnnie snigger
and she turned her head to throw him a dirty look only to find that
he was occupied with something. Turning back to Aisling, El offered
a charming smile to try to cover her feeling of ineptness.
She could tell that Aisling was trying valiantly to hide her own
merriment. Oh, great, she must think I’m a moron.
“Well, I get to mince around and it’s provided a few new links.”
Johnnie howled with laughter and El knew that all her family would
know about her worst chat up attempt ever before that nights evening
meal. She wondered if her mother would let her skip Sunday lunch.
She doubted embarrassment would be a good enough excuse. Looking
into those green eyes that held her own with a confidence that
almost unnerved El, she saw the amusement there and they both began
“So Elish what do you do?” The blonde had taken pity on her and El
“I’m the manager of the local community centre.” El was beginning to
feel more relaxed.
“Now I’m sure that is an interesting job.” Aisling stated with real
“It can be. Listen, I could show you around, let you see what we do.
The centre is always on the look out for volunteers in any capacity,
or there might be something we offer that’s of interest to you? I
can even throw in a free cup of coffee.” El was mentally patting
herself on the back for managing to string an adult sentence
together that wasn’t likely to offend Aisling or make El feel
“I’d like that.” Aisling removed her white coat and threw it at
Johnnie. “Johnnie I’m off to visit the community centre with Elish.”
With that they both walked out the door, El making sure to throw a
smug look at a bewildered Johnnie. Maybe Sunday lunch wouldn’t be so
bad after all.
As they exited the butchers shop El got her first real look at
Aisling’s figure. It was in a word, magnificent. A tight red T-shirt
covered a toned torso and figure hugging hipster jeans showed of a
cute butt and trim waist. Two thoughts were running through El’s
mind, please be gay, please be single.
El held open the door to the community centre to allow Aisling to
enter. She received a polite thank you for her trouble. She could
hear the voice of her mother at that very moment Remember. Good
manners cost nothing, so use them. It had been a piece of advice
Elish had taken to heart from a young age. Today she was especially
grateful for that advice.
The reception area walls were covered with leaflet holders, offering
a wide selection of leaflets containing information on a variety of
subjects from healthy eating to debt management. Elish left Aisling
to peruse them as she went over to talk to Brenda.
“Hi Bren, can you hold all my calls for the next thirty minutes? I’m
showing Aisling around the centre.”
Brenda glanced behind her boss to see the blonde who owned the
sports car standing reading a leaflet. She quickly glanced back at
Elish with a look of disbelief on her face.
“How?” Brenda managed to croak out.
“Natural charm.” El responded with a wink. “Hold my calls?”
“Sure,” Brenda had morphed back into her cool laidback façade.
“One more thing Bren…Lose the blue lips.” El chortled as Brenda used
those blue lips to affect a pout.
Elish made her way back to her blonde visitor. “As you can see, the
leaflets are the first things you come across when you enter the
building. Brenda’s idea,” El motioned towards her secretary. “It
works well for folks who just want to get a little information and
Brenda can get on with her job, with fewer interruptions. People
only approach her if they need further information.”
“Very practical and efficient.” Aisling commented.
El smiled, “Brenda’s appearance may not be to everyone’s taste, but
she certainly does a great job.”
“Yeah, looks can be deceiving.” Aisling responded.
“They sure can.” Their eyes held for just a fraction longer than
normal for a meeting between strangers. El hoped it was a good sign.
Elish quickly introduced Brenda to the mystery woman before setting
of on the tour.
“Here we have employment services. Folks can come here for all
things work related. Anything from assistance with putting together
a C.V to free postage stamps and use of the telephone to contact
prospective employers. I’ll introduce you to Adam, the section head
and he can show you around.”
Elish looked on as Adam introduced Aisling to all the members of his
team. He was very solicitous, as she would expect him to be with a
beautiful woman. El noticed that the blonde was very at ease around
all the people she was being introduced to. Frequently offering a
warm smile and a friendly word she seemed to have everyone eating
out of the palm of her hand with her humour and easy going nature.
After her brief visit was over with Adam’s staff they left the room
to a chorus of affectionate goodbye’s and a rather indiscreet leer
from Adam. When his eyes met El’s frowning features he quickly
buried his head in some paperwork.
“Where to next?” Aisling asked with an enthusiasm that El found both
refreshing and infectious. She continued to show her round,
explaining the various needs the community had for each service
offered by the centre. They eventually made their way upstairs to
the community education offices.
“Hi Molly, where is everyone?” El looked around the empty office.
“Mostly out on visits or at meetings, can I help?” El genuinely
thought the world of Molly. Nearing retirement, she would be missed
by everyone when that day came.
“Molly, I’d like you to meet Aisling Keenan, she’s come for a look
around the place.”
“Lovely to meet you Aisling,” she replied as she offered her hand to
the blonde. Molly stopped and peered a little closer at the Aisling.
“You drive the sports car.”
Aisling laughed, “I do indeed. Nice to meet you Molly.”
“Have a seat I’ll tell you a little about what I’m working on.”
Molly proceeded to tell Aisling all about her latest project. She
had set up a twice-weekly tea dance for the pensioners at the Town
Hall. Outlining the project for Aisling, Molly provided the
information as to how she got the entire project of the ground from
funding to advertising. Elish listened closely to the conversation.
When Molly had came to her with the idea she had at first been
reluctant to commit to the budget required. The town hall wasn’t a
cheap place to rent out, but it had so far proven to be a great
success with the over sixty age group and Elish was delighted for
Molly. Why the…she wouldn’t? Would she?
“What’s that look for?” Molly enquired.
“A thought just occurred to me Molly.”
“Congratulations.” Aisling laughed at Molly’s cheeky reply.
El narrowed her eyes and looked at the older woman suspiciously,
Molly sat there looking like the cat that got the cream. In that
moment El knew her suspicions were correct. Molly had gone and set
up a hobby for herself that she could indulge in when she retired.
Well good on you Molly. She could hardly complain when Molly had
made such a success of the dances. A few minutes later they were
ready to move on.
“We’ll talk later Molly, bye.”
“Oh. Elish, could I have a quick word before you leave?”
El glanced to Aisling who took her cue easily. “I’ll wait just
outside for you.” She left the office and closed the door behind
“I know what you did,” El stated, with a distinct twinkle in her
“Oh, forget that El, besides you’ll never prove it.” Molly waved her
“Invite her to the barbeque?
“Who?” El asked, confused.
“Aisling of course. Invite her along El.”
“Have you lost your mind?”
“Mind your manners Elish Maloney, don’t forget I see your Mam twice
a week now.”
“I’ll tell her you’ve been chatting up the nuns again.”
“You wouldn’t?” Elish looked horrified. Her mother would be furious
if she found out she had been teasing the sisters.
“No I wouldn’t, but I had you going.” Molly laughed.
“God, Molly. Don’t do that to me.”
“Tsk, tsk. Taking the Lords name in vain as well.” Molly loved to
tease her boss, El groaned and she took pity on her.
“El, invite her along.” Molly softened her tone. “She’s lovely, and
don’t think I didn’t notice the way you looked at her.” She accused
“We’ll see, Molly.” With that El left to finish the tour.
“So, what did you think?” They were both sitting in El’s office
“I’m impressed. The set up is fantastic.” Aisling enthused, “I have
“Sure, ask away.”
“If there was one thing that you could wish for this place, what
would it be?”
El certainly never expected that, but she already knew the answer,
it was her constant wish.
“That’s easy, more money. The simple fact is, the more we have, the
more we can do for the community.” She continued, “It’s the most
important and time consuming part of my job. Trying to secure grants
and donations is a constant battle; there will just never be enough.
Aisling nodded, it was a familiar story.
“Do you think you might want to participate in anything the centre
offers, or perhaps volunteer?” El prodded, always trying to
encourage people to get involved, and make use of the community
“Perhaps, but I need to think about it a little more. I would sure
like to see one of Molly’s tea dances.”
“You and me both.” They shared a laugh at that.
After they finished their coffee Aisling took here leave, El walked
her to the door, wishing that she could spend more time with the
“Thanks for showing me around.”
“It was my pleasure.” El replied readily, Aisling had been a
“I look forward to seeing you again.” It was a statement that held a
hint of something more, El echoed that feeling.
“Me too.” They shared one last lingering look and a smile before
saying their goodbyes.
El stood just inside the door and watched through the glass as
Aisling made her way across the car park back to the butchers. When
she turned round to go back to her office she was confronted by a
grinning Brenda who gave her a knowing wink.
“Nice blonde.” Brenda joked.
“Lucky car,” was her grinning bosses reply.
El heard a soft knocking at her door. She turned to see Naomi
striking a provocative pose in her doorway. Removing her reading
glasses, El made a show of running her eyes over the dark skinned
“Verrry nice.” She purred. “Good afternoon Ms Campbell.”
“Likewise Ms MacPherson.”
“Please, have a seat.” El indicated the empty chair in her office,
so Naomi opted for her desk instead. She perched on the end, arms
braced behind her.
“Who’s the blonde?” Naomi, never one to hang back, always cut to the
“My, my. Do I detect a hint of jealousy?” El teased.
“Well that depends.” Naomi leaned closer to El, “Does she know you
come as a package deal?”
El burst out laughing. “Damn you’re good Ms Campbell.”
“But I can be very bad.” Naomi dropped her voice on the last word,
hoping to get some reaction from El.
El, made a show of licking her lips and raising one elegant eyebrow.
“You’re a dog El.” Naomi laughed.
“I wish.” El scoffed.
“So come on, I want details. Don’t think you can spend time in the
company of a beautiful woman without me hearing about it.”
“You know, she only left here about ten minutes ago.”
“I know, I’ve been wanting to come over for the last half hour, but
I thought I should at least wait until she’s gone.”
El laughed. “This place is unbelievable, you’re all a bunch of
“Yeah, yeah. So come on, spill it.” Naomi waved her friend’s
“The blonde is the mystery blonde, owner of the beautiful sports
car. Her name is Aisling.”
“Really?” El nodded. “Way to go El, so mystery solved?”
“Well kind of, a little.”
“What do you mean? Did you not ask her about herself?” Naomi was
El sighed, “Okay, tell me what you think? She’s a smart, confident,
funny, articulate woman who drives a lovely car and makes sausages
for a living.”
Naomi looked at El, “Sausages?” She drawled, clearly not believing
her. “Pull the other one, El. It’s got bells on.”
“No, honestly Naomi, she makes the sausages for the butcher, she
only works mornings.”
“Well just what kind of sausages is she making? They must be some
nouvelle cuisine speciality ones, otherwise we are both in the wrong
“As far as I can tell, it’s the same ones that Johnnie sells over
the counter, there’s nothing special about them. Nice enough, but,
well they’re just sausages.” El shrugged.
“Hmm, so tell me, is she gay? Single? Interested in you? And when
are you seeing her again?”
“I don’t know to all of the above.” El responded casually, but she
wasn’t fooling her friend.
Naomi rolled her eyes, “El, usually if you’re interested in a woman
you have her naked within an hour.”
El looked horrified. “That is a complete exaggeration!” El held up a
finger, part for show and part protest. “Once that happened. And I
still regret telling you about it!”
“Calm down stud. Your secrets safe with me.” Naomi grinned,
delighted to have thrown her friend of balance.
“I was on holiday in another country and I was horny.” El answered
“And the lovely American ladies just fell for your quaint Irish
“I like to think it was my other charms that swayed them.” She
“Well you do have a fine pair to be sure.” Naomi leered at the
charms in question.
“And you have the gall to call me a dog.” El scoffed.
Naomi gave her a saucy wink, “well it’s been lovely chatting with
you Ms MacPherson, but alas I must take my leave of your fine
“Likewise Ms Campbell, enjoy your hovel next door. I daresay the
scenery will be much maligned.”
“Not nice El, not nice.” Naomi chastised.
“I don’t do nice.”
“We’ll see.” Naomi said cryptically then left.
El’s eyes narrowed with suspicion as she watched her friend depart.
El slipped between the sheets of her queen-sized bed. Tomorrow was
going to be a big day. She went over the preparations in her head,
making sure there was nothing she had left out. Molly had been a
terrific help, producing yet another list that El could use to make
sure she got all the right condiments from the supermarket. She had
been to the off licence that afternoon and picked up all the alcohol
that would be required for the following day. Now she just had to
make a trip to the butchers tomorrow morning to pick up the meat
order. That brought forward thoughts of Aisling and Elish wondered
if she would see the blonde tomorrow at the Butchers. She fell into
a fitful sleep, with thoughts of the barbeque and a certain mystery
blonde swimming around her head.
“Hi Johnnie, you got my order ready?”
“Sure do, El. I’m a bit busy can you just pop through the back and
pick it up yourself?”
Strange, El thought as she made her way behind the counter and
through to the back of the butcher shop.
“Oh my!” El gasped. There standing before her wearing nothing but a
striped Butchers apron was Aisling, the mysterious blonde sausage
“Hello El.” Aisling greeted in sultry tones. “I thought that since
you were so considerate the other day, I would return the favour and
show you a little of what I do here.” Aisling’s smile was predatory
and El could only nod a mute reply.
Aisling removed a butcher’s apron identical to the one she wore from
a hook and handed it to El. “Why don’t you slip that on, while I
start to prepare the ingredients.”
“S…sure.” El stammered. Without further thought she stripped of her
clothing and put on the apron.
“Well, El, you certainly look the part, lets see how good your
sausage making skills are, hmm.”
Elish swallowed hard. “Okay,” she managed to squeak out.
“I’m going to show you how to make wonderful pork sausages.” El
watched on in rapt attention as Aisling pulled a wooden stool close
to the table where the sausage making equipment stood. Aisling
removed a large piece of meat from a steel tray and put it onto a
stainless steel work surface. “Now this is pork tenderloin,” El
continued to watch as Aisling ran a clean sharp knife over the piece
of meat. “It is the most expensive cut of pork because it’s lean,
tender and boneless.” she finished in a breathy whisper. Aisling
began to cut the large piece of meat into smaller cuts, removing any
fat as she went. “This is what makes me a good sausage maker, El. I
care about what I put into them, much like a winemaker selects the
best grapes for a fine wine.” El nodded and licked her lips watching
the way Aisling caressed her specially selected pork. “You see El.
Good sausage making is a highly respected culinary art.” Aisling
looked at El, “Come closer, I want you to see everything I do.” El
moved to stand next to Aisling, her heart rate increasing as her
proximity to the sexy blonde decreased. “Now we use the grinder to
grind the meat coarsely, like so.” Aisling demonstrated. “Then we
add the other ingredients, I prepared those earlier and mixed them
with water. I wish I could tell you what was in these dishes, but
alas El, I can’t. It’s my special secret recipe, or as I like to
call it, the magic ingredients that got me a sports car. ”El felt
like she was being hypnotised. “Now watch as I grind all the
ingredients together, this distributes all the ingredients evenly
throughout the mixture. It might not sound it, but this is a very
important part of the sausage making process. Achieving the correct
flavour balance is critical in producing the best sausages. And
El…my sausages are the best.” She finished in a breathy whisper as
she pinned El with a deep penetrating stare.
Elish found herself in a quandary. She was standing watching an
almost naked beautiful woman fondle raw meat. Could a situation be
anymore ambiguous for her? This was the question running around her
head as she watched Aisling transfer the ground meat into the
sausage-making machine. Aisling stood up from the wooden stool and
offered the seat to Elish.
“Now for some hands on experience, you can do the stuffing.” She
whispered sensually into El’s ear. Aisling smiled as she stood
behind El and guided her through the necessary steps involved in the
“That’s it, feed the mixture slowly into the casing. Turn the handle
at a steady rate. Feel your body become one with the meat and the
“Hmmm,” El groaned as she felt Aisling’s body press against her
back. Watching the long chain of unlinked sausage appear and curl
into the metal bowl, she could feel the blondes breathing grow rapid
and shallow as the bowl filled with her artistic endeavours.”
“Oh yesssss.” Aisling hissed. “It’s beautiful, I can’t wait to taste
El’s eyes flew open in disbelief. She looked around her bedroom not
quite believing the content of the dream she was remembering. Oh my
God. I just had an erotic dream about sausages!
Elish stood in her kitchen glancing out the back door into the
garden. The sun was shining. Her barbeque grill stood on the patio
ready for action. The patio and lawn were covered with various forms
of chairs that she owned or had borrowed for today. She glanced at
her wristwatch; it was 1:45 pm, not long till her guests started to
arrive. Thinking back to previous years, El was prepared for the
worst. The annual staff barbeque was always a boisterous affair; it
was a day of letting your hair down and blowing off steam. El was
glad that her nearest neighbour was about fifty yards further down
the lane. Her cottage was on the outskirts of town, offering more
privacy, added to that old Mrs Fitzgibbon, El’s nearest neighbour,
was a bit hard of hearing, which was sure to be an added bonus after
a few hours of drinking. Elish fondly recalled the conversation she
had shared with her neighbour yesterday.
Elish walked along the lane to the cottage where Mrs Fitzgibbon
lived alone after her husband passed away a few years ago. She rang
the bell and hoped that her hard of hearing neighbour would actually
hear it. It was certainly loud enough, reminding Elish of a church
“Hello Elish. Come on in dear.”
El smiled politely and followed Mrs Fitzgibbon into her home.
Knowing that Mrs Fitzgibbon didn’t have a lot of visitors, El always
accepted the invitation offered by the kind older woman whenever
possible. Sitting on the comfortable sofa sipping tea and eating
biscuits, Elish listened to Mrs Fitzgibbon talk She was an
interesting lady with an at times fascinating history.
“How are you keeping Elish?”
“Very well Mrs Fitzgibbon. Thanks for asking. How about you? How’s
“Oh, that’s awful dear. Have you taken something for it? You know, I
thought there was something wrong with your voice; it’s not sounding
the same. I was just saying to Karen the other day, you know Karen?
She works at the post office. Well the post is just not arriving on
And so it went on. Which was one of the main reasons Elish had taken
to listening rather than talking with Mrs Fitzgibbon.
Elish recalled that she left the house without telling her neighbour
about the barbeque. She decided to pop a card through her letterbox
instead, which she had done that very morning. On the off chance
that Mrs Fitzgibbon should hear anything, at least she knew that it
could be coming from El’s cottage.
Elish was pulled out of her musings by the sound of her own doorbell
ringing. And so it begins. She took a deep breath before answering
her front door to the first of her many guests that would arrive
“Oh, you look well organised Elish.” Molly pronounced as she set
down a bowl of tuna pasta, her contribution to the side dishes. El
hadn’t been surprised to find that the first arrivals of the
afternoon were Molly and her husband Bill; she could always rely on
Molly to make sure she had things under control.
“I hope so Molly, I’ve been fretting over this since you reminded me.”
El replied, looking slightly anxious.
“Don’t worry Elish, just have a few drinks and relax for the day.
Now is there anything I can help with?”
The next forty-five minutes saw Elish constantly back and forth
greeting her guests as they arrived. A quick head count assured her
almost everyone was there. Just before three o’clock saw the arrival
of Naomi, her husband Declan and one very unexpected guest, Aisling,
the sports car driving, mystery blonde sausage maker. Elish greeted
her guests and gave Naomi a look that clearly warned you have some
explaining to do.
A hastily whispered, “She thinks she was invited,” let El know where
she stood, so she opted for a greeting that played along with the
charade. “Hi Aisling, glad you could make it.”
“Thanks for inviting me.” Aisling beamed.
El smiled wondering when exactly she had begun to suffer from her
current bout of amnesia. “You’re welcome.”
After that El’s day took an unexpected turn as she tried to corner
the usual suspects without raising suspicion. First up was Naomi,
since Aisling arrived in her car, it didn’t take Miss Marple to work
out she was involved.
El had been patient. She was conversing with her guests while
covertly observing Naomi, waiting for the right opening. She spent
the rest of her time discretely observing Aisling. After all multi
tasking was her forte. She watched as Naomi headed for the Kitchen,
El excused herself from a boring in-depth conversation on
consumerism with Michael the social worker under the pretext of
getting herself another glass of wine.
“What took you so long?” Naomi asked, a smile on her face.
“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.” El sniffed.
“I only came in here because I was fed up with you watching me, I
thought I would do us both a favour and put you out of your misery.”
“Fine, spill it?” El demanded.
Naomi mock shivered, “I love with when you get all dominant on me.”
El just glared.
Naomi sighed, “Okay, I went to the butchers and invited Aisling to
“That much is clear, so tell me why she thanked me for the invite?”
“Oh, that would be because when I extended the invite, I told her I
was doing so on your behalf.” Naomi replied casually.
“What possessed you to do that?” El sputtered.
“Well, duh! Because you like her.” Naomi answered clearly stating
“And you did all this of your own back?” Her enquiry held more than
a hint of suspicion.
Naomi looked at the ground briefly and Elish knew instantly that she
was contemplating what to tell her.
“The truth Naomi.”
“Look she didn’t mean any harm, she just wants to see you happy.”
“Who?” Elish demanded.
“Molly.” She raised her hands in a placating gesture,” She really
only has your best interests at heart. She called me telling me all
about Aisling and how the two of you were perfect for each other.
After I spoke with you I called her back and she told me about
asking you to invite her. I said you would never do it, so...”
“So the two of you came up with a plan.” El finished, clearly seeing
how this had played out.
Naomi looked sheepish, “Eh, yeah.”
“Naomi.” El dragged her name out, showing her exasperation with her
“Don’t blame Molly, El. She really does just want to see you happy.
“I would threaten to string her up, but she has something on me. She
knows I can’t touch her,” El, mumbled to herself.
Naomi raised her eyebrows, “Oh this I have to hear.”
“She’s threatening to tell my Mam that I’ve been chatting up the
Naomi burst out laughing. “The minx! Serves you right though, you
shouldn’t be chatting up women of the cloth.”
“They enjoy it.” El defended, “If I stopped they would be
disappointed, besides it’s a h…”
Naomi cut her off, “Don’t you dare say it.”
“Habit.” El finished, impishly.
“That joke is as corny as the lines you feed the nuns.”
“You’re just jealous.”
Naomi became serious for a moment. “Promise me you will make the
most of this opportunity, El? Don’t think I haven’t seen you looking
at her for the last hour.” El mused that she wasn’t the only one who
could multi task. So much for being discreet!
“I’ll think about it.”
“Good girl.” Naomi grinned, believing her work was complete.
By five o’clock the party was in full swing. Everyone had eaten his
or her fill and the alcohol was in full flow. El’s back garden was
full to bursting with her guests either perched on chairs or sitting
on the grass. The place was full of laughter and conversation. For
the first time that afternoon El found herself sitting next to
Aisling on the grass. The blonde had sat down beside her after
returning from a visit to the bathroom.
“This is a lot of fun.” Aisling said as she sat back a bit on the
grass. El took a moment to let her eyes run over the exposed flesh
before her. Aisling was wearing shorts and a cute cotton sleeveless
top. El could see the muscle definition in Aisling's arms and legs.
Nothing too bulky, but she clearly kept herself in shape. She had a
light dusting of freckles on her arms. El thought they were cute,
not an unusual sight in Ireland for sure, but Aisling’s freckles
were more fascinating than anyone else’s. Even her feet were cute El
thought as she trailed her eyes down Aisling’s legs to where her
feet were crossed over at the ankles. A pair of flip-flops leaving
her toes open to the air.
They were both drinking white wine and El reached for the bottle
nearby to top up their plastic cups. All thoughts of keeping the
bottles chilled long forgotten.
“You trying to get me drunk?” Aisling teased.
El smiled, “Just being a good hostess.”
They sipped their wine in companionable silence until Elish plucked
up the courage to ask the question that had been nagging at her ever
since they met in the butcher shop.
“I hope you don’t think that I’m being to forward, but how is it
that a part time sausage maker can afford to drive such an expensive
Aisling smiled, she wasn’t surprised to hear the question.
“My father bought the car for me. It was a present for my twenty
“Wow, that’s some gift.”
“It sure is.” Aisling replied softly, but Elish detected a hint of
something underlying in her tone.
“You didn’t want it,” Elish stated. Knowing it was true.
Aisling looked at her, a little surprised that Elish had been so
perceptive. She had been impressed by the way Elish handled the
people around her during the short visit a few days ago. She had
terrific people skills, but she had noticed that El also had a
caring side to her. She seemed to really know people.
“I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I did want a car, I was delighted
to get a car, but the truth is, I would have been more content with
something less showy, you know?”
Elish did know, she had sensed there was more to the car than it
being a flashy status symbol. Aisling just didn’t seem that type of
person; El had known that within five minutes of meeting her.
“I’m still puzzled by something?”
Aisling grinned, “Why am I making sausages?”
Aisling cleared her throat, it was time to come clean, “I don’t.”
El looked puzzled, “but you said…?”
“I know, but I just couldn’t help stringing you along El. I mean you
had just asked Johnnie about me…” Aisling sensed that El was not yet
seeing the funny side of things.
“You were wearing a white coat.” El gestured towards the blonde to
emphasis her point.
“I know, I have to wear it whenever I pass through the butchers
because of the raw meat in the back. I use it as a short cut to the
offices above the shop; I can’t access them from the pub due to the
renovations. Whenever I’m in the pub, I wear a hard hat. I have to
wear the clothing appropriate to my surroundings.”
El was becoming more puzzled by the second, “So you don’t make
“Ah, no, I work for my father, as his accountant. He owns the
shopping complex, he’s your landlord El.”
El’s eyes widened in disbelief at what she was hearing, this little
minx had strung her along big time!
“I’m sorry El, I just couldn’t help myself the day we met. I mean,
you had just asked Johnnie about me, I was wearing the white coat
and…” Aisling shrugged her shoulders as she tried desperately to
keep her laughter in, her face contorting with the effort. El was
just about to say something when, her words were cut off by the
shouting of some of her guests.
“Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!”
El groaned as she realised the night was about to be elevated to the
next level. The games were about to begin. She turned to see Rosie,
another community education worker and Adam racing each other to
down a pint of Guinness. Rosie beat him easily, he would never
learn. No one had ever beaten big Rosie when it came to downing a
pint. His forfeit was to drink a glass of whiskey. Normally that
wouldn’t be too bad, but these were home measures. El knew Adam was
going to be regretting this.
Every year someone came up with some new and inventive game, this
year was no exception when after a game of truth and dare the
Community Education workers produced two bin bags full of clothing
that they had borrowed from the local charity shop. You had to
select a card that had a style of music written on it, dress
appropriately then sing until someone guessed the style. First up
was Steve one of the drug counsellors, he stood dressed in a shirt
and tie, holding a pint of beer and sang old songs for over five
minutes until someone guessed he was a pub singer.
Aisling came out dressed in a ripped T-shirt, and some bleached
jeans that were way too big. She started jumping up and down and
screaming anarchy while playing air guitar, it only took seconds for
folks to guess she was a punk rocker. El was impressed with the way
Aisling threw herself into the game. She clearly liked to have fun.
When Elish pulled out a card and read the word ‘rapper’ she couldn’t
believe it. There would be prizes for certain performances and the
worst ones were sure to involve forfeits. She drank a bit more wine
and decided to give it all she had. Ruffling through the clothing
she found a baseball cap, some baggy tracksuit bottoms and a hooded
top. It would have to do.
Elish walked with as much attitude as she could muster and swaggered
into the back garden, her baseball cap on sideways. She started her
rap, which she was just making up as she went.
“My name is Elish, that’s with an E.
I know what I want so don’t fuck with me
I like doctors, nuns, and accountants too
So you better watch out ‘cause I’m coming for you”
The garden erupted into gales of laughter as she punctuated her
performance with hand movements and crotch grabbing. She recalled
seeing Eminem do that on MTV, it had struck her as odd, but she
thought maybe he just needed to reassure himself that it was still
there. Everyone guessed her song style easily and she ended up
grinning and pumping her hips a little just to ham it up. It was
only when she went to take her outfit off that she recalled her line
about accountants. Oh, shit!
Come ten o’clock the party was still going strong, but a few folks
were beginning to look a bit worse for wear. Adam had tried to chat
up Aisling, then shortly afterwards he vomited on El’s rose bushes.
She made a quick note to get the garden hose out tomorrow. Two of
the drug rehab counsellors were smoking hash. When El pointed this
out to Naomi she had put her hands over her ears saying, “La la la,
I can’t hear you.” Rosie had joined them, but El reasoned she wasn’t
a drugs counsellor!
Elish needed to pee, so she headed to the toilet inside only to find
it full. Not wanting to wait in the small queue that had formed she
decided to head to the bathroom upstairs. There she found Naomi
standing outside with an ear to the door.
“What are you doing?” she asked, clearly puzzled by her friends
“Shh.” Putting a finger to her lips she beckoned El to the door and
moved closer. “Listen.”
“Oh my god, someone is having sex in my bathroom!” El squeaked.
“Don’t be such a prude, El. I wanna find out who it is.”
“Don’t be such a pervert.” El, retorted.
Naomi scoffed, she knew Elish was as interested as she was, only
protesting because it was her bathroom. “Like you don’t want to know
“Maybe.” El reached down near the door handle and pushed a keyhole
cover aside, “Go on then, pervert, have a look.”
Under normal circumstances, El would never have shown her the
keyhole and Naomi would never have taken El up on the opportunity to
look, but they were both drunk, so Naomi looked with El leaning over
her trying to look as well.
“What can you see?” El whispered.
“Hang on, nothing yet.” She looked again, “Oh my god, I see feet!”
“Who’s? Describe the footwear?” El was definitely interested now.
“Hang on, both sets are going in the same direction.”
El looked puzzled, “What does that mean?”
“It means…” Naomi wiggled her hips, “they are in the same position
El looked down to see her pelvis nestled behind Naomi’s backside,
“Ooh, kinky.” In a fit of playfulness El grabbed her friends hips
and pretended to hump her backside. Naomi started laughing and
trying to get free of El. Next thing the bathroom door lurched open
and they both fell inside, El landing on top of Naomi.
El looked up to see a stunned and clearly embarrassed Brenda grab
her boyfriends hand and haul him out of the bathroom.
“Oops!” El exclaimed.
“That’s what I was trying to tell you, but you were too busy
thrusting against me.” They both burst out laughing at what had just
happened, El was still sprawled on top of Naomi, “Oh but your ass is
“Get of me El!” Naomi screeched while squirming beneath her friend,
unable to muster the strength to free herself, because she was still
laughing. Only the sound of a throat clearing behind them brought El
to a stop. There standing against the wall with her arms folded
across her chest was Aisling. One eyebrow raised and a smirk on her
“Don’t stop on my account, I was enjoying the show.”
El scrambled to her feet, a mixture of horror and embarrassment
warring for territory on her face. She stood staring at Aisling with
her mouth open and no words coming out.
Naomi jumped to her feet glaring at El, “Oh that’s great, have your
wicked way with me and don’t even help me up.” She winked at Aisling
as she passed her heading back downstairs to leave them alone.
El cleared her throat, “Ahem, ah how much of that did you see?”
“Enough.” Aisling answered with a twinkle in her eyes.
“Naomi and I aren’t ah, you know, we just flirt, harmlessly.”
“Oh, is that what you call it?” El said nothing, “And I thought that
the two of you were trying to spy on two people having sex. I would
call that voyeurism, or being a peeping Tom, or Tomassina as the
case may be.”
“But we…” El gestured feebly.
“Ohh, I see. You mean the part where you were humping Naomi’s
backside? Harmless flirting huh, I’m just not sure that would stand
up in a court of law.”
El stood rooted to the spot, her jaw slack.
“I’ve seen a lot of you tonight Elish Maloney. I’ve heard a lot
about you too. Do you know there are quite a few people keen to
impart information about you?”
“The snakes!” El interrupted.
Aisling continued, “I might even pop round to chapel tomorrow to see
the nuns, I’ve heard they will have a few stories to tell also.”
“The nuns are the only people I trust to give you good information.”
El stated worried about the kinds of stories Aisling had been told.
“Really? That’s a shame, cause I’ve been hearing what a terrific
boss you are, a fantastic catch. I could go on?”
“Maybe some of them know what they’re talking about.” El hedged.
“It wouldn’t really matter to me what they say, I’ve seen enough for
“You have?” El’s voice held a hint of the dread she was feeling.
Aisling smiled, “Definitely.”
Releasing a breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding, El relaxed
into an easy smile. Seeing an opening she decided to take a chance.
“So, I was thinking, maybe we could, go out sometime.” She asked
“I would like that.”
“I’m free on Wednesday.”
“Great.” El felt relief, “Would you like to go for a drink or maybe
see a film?”
Aisling smiled, “Either is fine El.” “I’ll give you my number and
you can call and confirm?”
“Great, give me a moment, I’ll be right back.” El walked to her
bedroom next door and picked up the pen and pad she kept next to her
bed, as she turned to leave she saw Aisling standing just inside the
“I’m sorry, someone was coming up the stairs, so I…” Aisling trailed
of, she wasn’t sure what to do when she heard someone coming up the
stairs, in hindsight it seemed a dumb idea to wander into El’s
bedroom. She was attracted to El; but she just didn’t want to give
her the wrong idea, or come across as easy.
“No, that’s fine. Come on in.” Aisling walked into the bedroom and
perched on the end of El’s bed. El sat next to her and handed
Aisling the pen and paper, to write down her details.
“That’s my home and my mobile number.”
“Thanks.” El took the pen and paper from Aisling and wrote her own
details on a piece of paper for the blonde. “This is my numbers.”
“Thanks,” Aisling hesitated a moment. “Did you really invite me here
today El?” Her hand idly smoothed over El’s duvet cover. “It’s just
that when you first saw me today, you kind of looked surprised,
well, actually you looked stunned.”
Elish knew she couldn’t lie to Aisling. Telling the truth was the
only real option she had. “No, I didn’t. We were set up and under
other circumstances I may have been a little upset with the meddling
of a couple of friends, but I’m not. I really wanted to invite you
“Why didn’t you?”
Elish took a moment to consider that question. “I was feeling a
little shy. I know that might be difficult to believe after what you
witnessed a few moments ago,” El added wryly, “but you seem to bring
out the shy girl in me.”
“Really?” Aisling questioned a little surprised by El’s admission.
El nodded, “Really. I like you Aisling; you’re smart, funny and
beautiful. I guess that made me a little more nervous.”
Aisling blushed a beautiful pink, much to El’s delight, “I guess
since you’re being so honest with me I should return the favour.”
El’s ears perked up at this; she was very interested in what Aisling
had to say. “When I was standing behind you in the butchers the
other day, it was no accident.” El’s eyebrows shot up at this
confession. “I’ve seen you before a few times and I thought you were
a knockout. I’ve been driving Johnnie crazy at the butchers asking
questions about you. He suggested that I find a way to introduce
myself and that’s what I was about to do that day, but you asked
Johnnie about me first.”
They both laughed at the way things had played out. “Much though I
would love to stay here chatting I suppose I better go see how my
guests are doing.”
“Yes, of course. I’ve really had a lot of fun today.”
“Me too.” They both looked at each other, neither really wanting to
move from their quiet sanctuary. El, simply because she was the host
forced herself to her feet. She offered Aisling her hand to assist
her to stand.
“I’ll call you Monday to confirm details for Wednesday?”
Aisling nodded, “I look forward to it.”
El felt herself lean forward slowly, she knew she was drunk and that
was a major factor in the risk she was taking but she just had to
taste the blonde’s lips.
She slowly brushed her lips over Aisling’s. It was the softest of
touches. El leaned back a fraction, leaving mere millimetres between
them, when Aisling made no move to withdraw El kissed her again,
this time lingering longer. Aisling hands made there way onto El’s
hips offering further encouragement. El deepened the kiss as Aisling
responded to her touch. Someone moaned, El wasn’t sure who. Her hand
moved into Aisling’s hair, fingers gently caressing the back of her
neck. A throat clearing caused them to break apart. El looked
towards the door to see an unapologetic smile on Naomi’s face.
“I hate to break up your little party, but some of your guests are
starting to leave.”
“Okay, thanks Naomi.” El looked at Aisling, “I guess I better get
Almost two hours later and the last guests were leaving. It had been
a very long day, but one that El had enjoyed immensely. Naomi,
Declan and Aisling were the only guests remaining. El had just gone
into the kitchen putting some glasses into the sink for washing up
later. Naomi popped up behind her. “That’s us leaving now stud, I
ah, assume we are giving Aisling a lift home?”
“Of course!” El spluttered.
“Well you know, after what I saw in your bedroom…”
“I like her a lot Naomi. I’m not going to risk blowing it by trying
to sleep with her before we even go on a date.”
“Just teasing El, I’m really happy for you. I hope things work out.”
“Thanks Naomi.” El lightened the mood again. “You realise that I’m
off limits now, no more flirting?”
“We’ll see.” Naomi leered and El chuckled. “Listen, we’ll give you a
little privacy to say goodnight properly to Aisling. I’ll send her
“Wai…” El never got to finish her protest. Aisling walked into the
kitchen moments later.
“We’ve been set up again. I tried to stop her, but she insisted that
we have some privacy to say goodnight.”
“Ah, I see.” Aisling ducked her head. The moment was a bit awkward
for both of them.
“I’ll call you Monday.” El said softly.
“I look forward to it.”
They both chuckled, a little nervous.
“I better get going.” Aisling stated.
El nodded, “Sure.” she walked forward to lead Aisling back to her
friends, when the accountants hand on her arm stopped her forward
momentum their arms slid around each other as they melted into a
warm embrace. El leaned back and looked down into Aisling’s eyes,
she stroked her cheek and leaned down for another kiss. With the
full length of their bodies pressed together this kiss was a little
more intimate than the previous one they shared.
El groaned in dismay and pulled back from Aisling. “God, I don’t
want to stop kissing you.” She said a little breathless from the
activity and arousal beginning to seep through her body.
“Me neither…but I suppose we have to.” Aisling lamented.
“Yeah.” El took Aisling’s hand and led her towards the front door
and a waiting Naomi and Declan.
“Ah, here they are,” Declan said, “Naomi said you two would be at
least twenty minutes.” He laughed as they both looked too Naomi, who
just shrugged. They said their goodbyes and El and Aisling shared
one last chaste kiss before they headed out to the car.
“Safe journey home you guys.” El called and with a final wave the
car began to move away.
El locked up downstairs, glancing around as she went. Her place
didn’t look too bad considering the party she had hosted. She
climbed the stairs to the bathroom, going through her nightly
routine before slipping under the duvet and hoping for sweet dreams
about a certain green eyed blonde, sports car driving…accountant.
On to part two...
Gun Brooke Fiction